Hot people

Hot people.....not like J-Lo or Beyonce' or Brad Pitt and likes....I mean HOT people... like me.  Hot, old, fat people like me.  For those of you who are blessed with "small bones" (always been my favorite excuse) and a high metabolism who have absolutely no idea what it's like to be plus sized in a heat wave, I'll explain.  When it is excessively hot I transform into an extremely hot, bitchy,short tempered, fire breathing mom.  Granted it's a short trip from my usual self but nonetheless, it's not pretty.  If it wasn't bad enough that my sixties  (and a hysterectomy) have blessed me with a mustache, now it's a sweaty,wet one. Not a pretty picture....... Any items of clothing stick to my body like duct tape.  I tried not wearing a bra the other day and I could barely separate my boobs from my waist when it was time to put on my pajamas.  Thank God for last night's rain as I fear I could have started the nearbywoods on fire with the rustling of my sweltering thighs.  Just walking out to feed and water the featherless, wildly producing chickens makes me think I might actually spontaneously combust at any moment.  I now know how that hay feels in the loft of a barn just before it sparks a disaster.  Possibly all this insulation is what allows me to adventure out in 20 degree weather without a coat. I will welcome that weather with open arms.  For now, I'll sit in the house by the fan, in the car with the a/c on or in a restaurant where I can add to my discomfort in the form of french fries and maybe a milkshake.  Although I was able to perform a miracle on Sunday when, in the heat of the moment, I was able to run with Bailee to catch the ice cream truck!!!!

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