Sometimes , as adults, we're able to filter our words when we are speaking to adults. (not the easiest thing for me) That filtering isn't always there when we are speaking to children, but it should be. Parents Magazine explains that there are few things that really
shouldn't be said to kids....
- Leave me alone - ...........pretty self explanatory........even with the best of intentions, this just tells them that we don't want them around.....
- Don't label - She's my shy one..He's my smart one (really)...Believe it or not this puts unnecessary and even inappropriate expectations on their very young shoulders. (They're way more intuitive than we give them credit for.)
- Don't cry! - You're really telling them that their emotions are meaningless. It's often OK to be sad or scared. (we are!)
- You're just like your sister - comparing siblings or even friends is just plain wrong. Individualism is so important. Kids don't need to dress the same, color or write the same, even like the same things....A whole row of identical kids would be oh so boring!!!!
- You know better than that - well, no. sometimes they actually don't. A better way of teaching and making your point is "I'd like it better if you did it this way!"
- I can't believe you did that! - or ( It's about time or can't you do anything right)......pretty self explanatory
- Wait till your Dad gets home - Eventually they realize that Mom's not going to do anything about it and they stop listening to her!! (I tell you, they're smart!!!!)
- I'll give you something to cry about -
Threats, usually the result of parental frustration, are rarely effective. We sputter warnings like "Do this or else!" or "If you do that one more time, I'll spank you!" The problem is that sooner or later you have to make good on the threat or else it loses its power. Even with older kids, no discipline strategy yields surefire results right off the bat every time. So it's more effective to develop a repertoire of constructive tactics, such as redirection, removing the child from the situation, or time-outs, than it is to rely on those with proven negative consequences, including verbal threats and spanking. I've seen such good results from the time outs followed by a short discussion of why you were put there and what you should change...it works!
- Hurry up - kids often end up feeling guilty for making you feel frustrated and rushed...There's nothing motivating about these words.
- Great Job... believe it or not. It's much better to praise the behavior than to praise the child. Be specific. "I love the bright, happy colors you used. I'm so happy you remembered to hang up your coat. I love that you drew a picture about the story we read this morning."
And then there's one thing you should always say... A lot! I Love You......no matter what! I'm sad to admit that I only remember hearing that from my parents
after I had become an adult...In fact, only after I had my family. It may have been that our parents and generations before them didn't display their feelings in words. I'm sure I knew my folks loved me but it just wasn't verbalized.........at least at our house.... Today it's said so much Bailee sometimes stops me in mid sentence and says, "I know, you love me!!" Yep, those are 3 wise words....anytime♥
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