Alone

When being alone is a choice, I love it.  I'm not quite sure how I would feel if being alone was what was handed to me.  I am not insecure, or depressed, or anxious around people. I can hang with the best (and the worst) and hold my own in most any environment. I can don my frilly frocks (who am I kidding, my last frilly frock was my wedding dress) and rub elbows with the elite or sit by a bonfire and tell dirty jokes while the men (and sometimes the women) drink and fart. I can enjoy both crowds but if choosing, I'd be by the farters.  I enjoy our morning breakfast club and have for over 30 years.  Some of my tablemates may change but it's always light-hearted and enjoyable.  Generally, these folks know more about me and mine than me and mine! That's OK! I also have a lunch bunch group of old friends that I enjoy immensely.  Once a month, I cleanse my impure thoughts and my pent up frustrations on these poor gals!  They listen and love unconditionally. I have those old friends who know me best and still care about me.  I enjoy going out to dinner...mostly because I don't have to cook!  I wish I could snap my fingers and be there and back as so many restaurants I enjoy are too far away now.  Maybe it's actually just a chauffeur that I need. What I like best about all these outings is going home. The anticipation of my home, my recliner, my TV, my TiVo and my phone are all a jumbled mess of old and new that I have become wonderfully accustomed to. ( I know..sentence ending in a preposition..got it.) I actually like being alone!

Being alone is cathartic.  I can do whatever I please, whenever I please for as long as I please.  I probably shouldn't look up spoiled ...that's liable to be the definition.  I justify my joy in my seclusion by thinking I have earned it.  I raised my kids to the best of my ability...some failures and successes. I have built, what I feel, is a lovely home where I can enjoy my grandkids and live out my golden years. I owe little and can spread a bit of unsolicited happiness when the mood strikes me.   To me, alone just means that I'm by myself...it doesn't mean lonely!  I love some of the definitions of alone: unattended - that's ok, abandoned - not, forsaken - doubtful, abnormal - probably but the best is retired - exactly.

As long as alone is a choice...and so far it is!, I'm fine. I have communication when I need it and I have isolation when I crave it. I have my surroundings when I yearn for solitude and beauty and I have my family and friends when I need frivolity, love and companionship. For now, I'm good. "All by Myself " may be my melodic mantra in years to come but for now I live by four easy rules:

• Take care of my home - try to keep organized, uncluttered and clean  ( I've mastered a couple)
• Find Beauty in the Ordinary - My Ordinary surrounds me completely...from birds and animals, to trees to the rising of the sun and moon... I've definitely got this one!
• Watch out for Noisy Thoughts - They can be my best friend or my worst enemy.  I have learned to keep mental monsters at bay and summon joyful noise on command. It might be eagles chirping or the Beach Boys singing and of late, a tune on the Ukulele by Miss B.  A great rendition of Somewhere over the Rainbow does the trick every time♥
• Love my grandchildren unconditionally -  and never stop teaching them what I've learned through my successes and failures...even when I think they're not listening!