Ponderisms

There's nothing better than a heaping serving of food for thought...especially if it's accompanied by a side of humor.Here are a few "ponderisms" that might make you chuckle and then give pause to a little.....''thinking".
I didn't think much of 1 so I scratched it....
2.  Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section  in a swimming pool?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 3. OK..... So if the  Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers  are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee  Titans?
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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from  diarrhea does that mean that one  enjoys it?
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5. There are three religious  truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus  as the Messiah.
b. Protestants  do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c.  Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or  Hooters.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 6. If people from Poland are  called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called  Holes?
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7. If a pig loses  its voice, is it disgruntled? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~  *~*~*~*
8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they  just stale bread to begin  with?
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9  Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives  a race car is not called a racist?
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10. Why isn't  the number 11 pronounced onety one? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
11. If lawyers  are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians  can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree  surgeons debarked, dry cleaners depressed .
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12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it  Fed UP?
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13.  Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee  breaks?
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14. ! What hair color do they put on the driver's  licenses of bald men?*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
15. I was thinking  about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older;  then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final  exam.
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16.  I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and  forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?  Toothpicks?
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17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the  Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they  just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for  them while they deliver the mail?
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18. If it's true that we are here  to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to  drive!*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
21. Ever wonder what  the speed of lightning would be if it didn't  zigzag?
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22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her  nose? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
23. Whatever happened  to Preparations A through G?
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24.  At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The'  and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?

Sorry.....slow brain day!