My heart hurts....

It's been 3 full days of sorrow.  As I said on my Face Book wall, I could barely stand to watch and I could barely stand not to. Friday morning I watched one of Jess's daycare kiddos so she could help at a nearby cafe for the holiday rush.  At 11:30 we loaded up and headed across the street to our elementary school and his UPK classroom.  Upon arriving at the door, I pulled the handle......."No, Grandma Sandy, you need to ring the buzzer!"  All second nature to him and a new experience for me.  I hadn't been to the school in the daytime since the entry buzzer protocol had been established.  I was immediately buzzed and in and chatted with the secretary whom I had known for years (she actually watched my kids 30 years ago.)  I didn't really give much thought to the new entry system until I returned home and turned on the TV...............The news was just updating..... and it was much worse than they had earlier reported.... Yes, 3 were taken to a nearby hospital but an entire classroom of 6 year olds (my Bailee is a six year old) had been viciously murdered along with several adults. I actually found it hard to breathe for a second and my heart literally hurt.  That alone frightened me!
A few deep breaths and I continued to watch and listen in complete horror.  An elementary school of 600 in a small, fairly rural town........We are an elementary school of 600 in a small, fairly rural town!!  ......and I had just dropped off a 4 year old in that building.... leaving him with a hug and a "have a good afternoon!"   Our kids came home!   I sent a message to Bailee's teacher , a friend of mine, and said today of all days, I just wanted to say "Thank You!"  She replied expressing her fear and worry about how she would cope with the possibility of the same scenario here.... "I hope I would make good decisions!"  I have no doubt that any and all teachers would make good decisions.  The majority of teachers have chosen that profession for the love of learning and the love of children.  We know they aren't there for the love of money!!!!
We have not discussed this with Bailee.  I'm not sure if that's right or wrong, it's just the way it is.  I do not know the decision of administrators about discussions but I'm hoping they have addressed the issue and that faculty and staff will answer questions openly and candidly if students broach the subject. So much expert advice was given over the week-end about how to answer such questions.
The resounding answer was to hold them close, tell them they are safe, tell them that you love them and move on.  We should not feel guilty that we try to move on and think about the holiday and Santa and family and even such mundane things as cooking, decorating and wrapping.  I like to think of one of my favorite quotes from Robert Frost (is that Jack's brother Bailee asked me?) "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."





One of our favorite traditions is the Elf on the Shelf. Each morning she/he appears after travelling to the North Pole to report on their child's behavior the prior day. (Hey, it works) Bailee's elf is named "Marvy!"  This photo was posted and is particularly poignant. Even the busy elves are taking time to remember the 27 tiny and huge souls that won't be on earth to celebrate this year!