It really is a special day to honor all of our servicemen and women. I am thankful for my relatives who were veterans and actually thankful that some couldn't or didn't have to. My Dad's eyesight actually kept him out of the service, Lee's number was never pulled and Jeff grew up in a time of voluntary service.
As I think about the words veteran and war, I wonder if most every person today isn't a veteran of some kind of war. It might be a very personal internal war, a family war, an addictive war, a tragedy or just sometimes a war of words. The battles are real and the outcomes are often deadly. Each of us loses a little (sometimes a lot) in each of our battles. It's often family members, communication, even a big piece of our heart or happiness can be lost.
PTSD is often diagnosed in folks who have never set foot on a foreign battlefield. It doesn't distinguish between women or men, young or old and often never goes away...you just learn to live with it and avoid triggers.
So today is a day for everyone....not just veterans of the military but for those whose personal battles rage in their everyday life. Our thanks to all who have served in our military, who have fought for our literal and figurative freedom and to those who continue to brave their own battles. Today is for everyone!
Monday, November 11, 2019
Friday, November 1, 2019
Thirty Days
Well, here we are..November first! We made it through another month on this crazy roller-coaster. I have never wished away time but I'll be glad to see 2020 roll in and 2019 be far behind us in the rearview mirror. I might even stay awake until midnight on New Year's eve and give it a couple of whoop whoops!
As I've been reflecting on the past 304 days, I have learned that every family has its dysfunction. That has been a bit comforting while also a bit disconcerting. I could probably search for answers but they'd undoubtedly end up being more excuses than answers. My children have made less than stellar decisions.....each culminating in losses...huge losses. One has learned from them..one has not. Helplessly I stand by to pick up the pieces and try to reconstruct the shattered souls....and shattered they are! Bailee always likes to hear my prayers at night. Especially the part about "helping to make me "Elmers!" She's a smart cookie and she put those words together understanding that I hoped to be the glue! I will continue to work on it as best I can.
November is a month of celebrations. I hope we can make it a drama-free month of birthdays, hunting and Thanksgiving. Simple things make for simple smiles. That's really all I ask for these days. I will try to be more thankful than regretful (not sure that's a word.) Facebook usually has a WIATF challenge and I will join in.... Sometimes we just need a little nudge to help us remember!
....And of course, Christmas is only 54 days away.... That'll help!
As I've been reflecting on the past 304 days, I have learned that every family has its dysfunction. That has been a bit comforting while also a bit disconcerting. I could probably search for answers but they'd undoubtedly end up being more excuses than answers. My children have made less than stellar decisions.....each culminating in losses...huge losses. One has learned from them..one has not. Helplessly I stand by to pick up the pieces and try to reconstruct the shattered souls....and shattered they are! Bailee always likes to hear my prayers at night. Especially the part about "helping to make me "Elmers!" She's a smart cookie and she put those words together understanding that I hoped to be the glue! I will continue to work on it as best I can.
November is a month of celebrations. I hope we can make it a drama-free month of birthdays, hunting and Thanksgiving. Simple things make for simple smiles. That's really all I ask for these days. I will try to be more thankful than regretful (not sure that's a word.) Facebook usually has a WIATF challenge and I will join in.... Sometimes we just need a little nudge to help us remember!
....And of course, Christmas is only 54 days away.... That'll help!
Thursday, October 24, 2019
Oh Christmas tree, tree, tree, tree!
For as much as I love tradition, I enjoy something new to decorate. I've been trying to clean out the storage room and get down to one tote per holiday...yeah right! I have taken more decorations than I can fathom to the Thrift Shop. This upcoming Christmas will be another different day. We seem to adjust and readjust each year... Family members added ...............and subtracted. I was feeling a bit sorry for myself thinking that this holiday would be three of us (adults) waking up and hopefully four for dinner... My tables are so much fun for me but cooking and decorating for 3 adults and possibly no children was, to say the least, depressing.
Then B came home! Not the frivolity and excitement has returned. Her monogrammed snow boots won't sit in the closet, her ornaments will adorn the tree and even the Elf on the Shelf will return (I hope.) Marvy appears more for my amusement but he's still a welcomed tradition and with Jett being here more, he'll enjoy it too.
So, it's always one big, beautiful tree adorned with ornaments old and new...Not this year... I think a celebration is in order and everyone should have their Very Own Tree!!!! You want purple lights? you get purple lights. You want Harry Potter or rainbow coalition..you get it!!!! You want guns and ammo...welllll..OK!! I want plaid and trucks...yep. So, I just lack one tree! This week-end everyone gets to choose their decorations and it'll happen!
With presents purchased and wrapping complete, these are the fun things I have lots of time to "make happen!" Our annual tradition of Thanksgiving ornaments will be complemented with their individual tree trimmings too.
Let the holidays begin. Oh Christmas Tree♥♥♥♥
Then B came home! Not the frivolity and excitement has returned. Her monogrammed snow boots won't sit in the closet, her ornaments will adorn the tree and even the Elf on the Shelf will return (I hope.) Marvy appears more for my amusement but he's still a welcomed tradition and with Jett being here more, he'll enjoy it too.
So, it's always one big, beautiful tree adorned with ornaments old and new...Not this year... I think a celebration is in order and everyone should have their Very Own Tree!!!! You want purple lights? you get purple lights. You want Harry Potter or rainbow coalition..you get it!!!! You want guns and ammo...welllll..OK!! I want plaid and trucks...yep. So, I just lack one tree! This week-end everyone gets to choose their decorations and it'll happen!
With presents purchased and wrapping complete, these are the fun things I have lots of time to "make happen!" Our annual tradition of Thanksgiving ornaments will be complemented with their individual tree trimmings too.
Let the holidays begin. Oh Christmas Tree♥♥♥♥
Monday, October 21, 2019
Day by Day
With a full moon, the tides will turn and turn they did. Yesterday morning a joyous delivery was made. Bailee was back HOME! Not a pretty drive or pretty transportation but the package was amazing.
Hopefully, this is the end of back and forth and the sad realization that priorities are often not what we'd like them to be. Normal as in beauty and a multitude of other depictions is definitely in the eyes (and mind) of the beholder. We're taking our new normal day by day. Today we're back to what I hope will be an extended stretch of OK! I can only provide the ingredients to stability and security and stir in huge doses of love and guidance. My cooking skills are hopefully better in this department than the kitchen.
I will do what I can when I can and for as long as I can to make this house a place to be happy, healthy, secure and loved. I know there will be trials and tribulations and ups and downs. We'll all ride it out together and hope we don't "fall off!" I never professed to be the consummate parent or grandparent (obviously) but I'll do my best to be what everyone here needs!
I'm looking forward to birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, graduations and all the joys that beckon from school, family and beyond! Lord help me to stay sane and do what is best. I know you've heard from me more in the last year than the prior 66 but I knew you'd be there when I needed you! Don't fail me now..I'm old and I need ya!
Hopefully, this is the end of back and forth and the sad realization that priorities are often not what we'd like them to be. Normal as in beauty and a multitude of other depictions is definitely in the eyes (and mind) of the beholder. We're taking our new normal day by day. Today we're back to what I hope will be an extended stretch of OK! I can only provide the ingredients to stability and security and stir in huge doses of love and guidance. My cooking skills are hopefully better in this department than the kitchen.
I will do what I can when I can and for as long as I can to make this house a place to be happy, healthy, secure and loved. I know there will be trials and tribulations and ups and downs. We'll all ride it out together and hope we don't "fall off!" I never professed to be the consummate parent or grandparent (obviously) but I'll do my best to be what everyone here needs!
I'm looking forward to birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, graduations and all the joys that beckon from school, family and beyond! Lord help me to stay sane and do what is best. I know you've heard from me more in the last year than the prior 66 but I knew you'd be there when I needed you! Don't fail me now..I'm old and I need ya!
Friday, October 18, 2019
Hands Off :-(
Not my policy, Not my plan, Not my Modus Operandi! This old dog likes her old normal and new tricks are frustrating and a real pain in the ass. New tricks make my head and my heart hurt. I've always been a finder, a fabricator and a fixer. Having issues or wants or needs that I can't fix makes me impotent. Nobody wants that feeling in this stage of their life. (or any for that matter!)
Not only can I not help but it's unwanted and under-appreciated.....and way too far away.
This is a brand new way of life for me and I am finding that my learning curve is bent way out of shape. I'm trying to be positive and do what I can (and should) from afar and sets my sights on a lower level. This was going to be the Year of "Me!" Me in the Outer Banks, me in Florida for a month, Me tending to me. That didn't work out too well. So, I've decided that maybe this will be the Spur of the Moment Year. No plans on, No hands-on.... Just keys, cash and camera....Stay tuned!
Not only can I not help but it's unwanted and under-appreciated.....and way too far away.
This is a brand new way of life for me and I am finding that my learning curve is bent way out of shape. I'm trying to be positive and do what I can (and should) from afar and sets my sights on a lower level. This was going to be the Year of "Me!" Me in the Outer Banks, me in Florida for a month, Me tending to me. That didn't work out too well. So, I've decided that maybe this will be the Spur of the Moment Year. No plans on, No hands-on.... Just keys, cash and camera....Stay tuned!
Friday, October 11, 2019
Always something worse!
For as much as I have whined and sulked and complained the last few months, I knew in my heart that at least all the crazies were alive to bitch about. You think your problems are gigantic, insurmountable and worse than most everyone else's.
A couple of days ago I realized I was wrong (yep, call Ripleys.) Jeff's work crew was plugging along doing an end of the year project when tragedy struck. Not the whiny kind of daily misfortunes that I've had lately but full-blooded, gut-wrenching tragedies. A coworker was just killed on the job. Just Jeff's age, a Dad and even the same name. Thankfully, Jeff had the sense to immediately inform us that he was "Ok!" A crew of grown men was literally brought to their knees, saddened by a senseless loss and counting their blessings all at the same time.
A reality check for me to say the least. Life popped into view from an entirely different perspective. Small stuff, although senseless and sad, didn't compare with loss. People make life choices and they aren't always what you might have chosen for them. Let it go.....Let them go! These continue to be choices...and to have the option to make choices means you are alive.
Jeff's co-worker no longer has those options.
I do.... Those who care and have risen to the top and the dregs are no longer visible. Things may change in the future and if so, I will accommodate the shift. For now, my heart aches for those no longer able to choose and it remains open to those who can... I will no longer dwell on the negative but live for the positive. For as bad as life is at any particular moment, there is always something worse!
A couple of days ago I realized I was wrong (yep, call Ripleys.) Jeff's work crew was plugging along doing an end of the year project when tragedy struck. Not the whiny kind of daily misfortunes that I've had lately but full-blooded, gut-wrenching tragedies. A coworker was just killed on the job. Just Jeff's age, a Dad and even the same name. Thankfully, Jeff had the sense to immediately inform us that he was "Ok!" A crew of grown men was literally brought to their knees, saddened by a senseless loss and counting their blessings all at the same time.
A reality check for me to say the least. Life popped into view from an entirely different perspective. Small stuff, although senseless and sad, didn't compare with loss. People make life choices and they aren't always what you might have chosen for them. Let it go.....Let them go! These continue to be choices...and to have the option to make choices means you are alive.
Jeff's co-worker no longer has those options.
I do.... Those who care and have risen to the top and the dregs are no longer visible. Things may change in the future and if so, I will accommodate the shift. For now, my heart aches for those no longer able to choose and it remains open to those who can... I will no longer dwell on the negative but live for the positive. For as bad as life is at any particular moment, there is always something worse!
Tuesday, October 8, 2019
Too cool for school?
Well, finally today....Bailee is back in school. Her first day at Oceanway Middle School in Jacksonville is today. I can't imagine moving to a new city, living with new people (and no bed,) going to a new school and meeting all new teachers and classmates. I was anxious each September just starting a new grade in my hometown...
God (and anyone else that would listen) and I have become evening (and sometimes daytime) chat buddies. No worries, I haven't yet heard him speak to me but he has answered a few of my "pleases!"
I've always been more of a planner and doer than a watcher and hoper so the last few weeks have been a struggle for my psyche and my nerves. Just having B in school during the day gives me a modicum of peace for a few hours although a city school in no way compares to what we have in good ole Moravia.
I can only hope and pray that she makes some new, good friends, enjoys her classes and can find a few teachers who she can confide in if the need arises. Hands-off is something way out of my comfort zone but I'm trying! Thankfully this is my favorite time of year and I can occupy my time with "fall"ing into the holidays!
God (and anyone else that would listen) and I have become evening (and sometimes daytime) chat buddies. No worries, I haven't yet heard him speak to me but he has answered a few of my "pleases!"
I've always been more of a planner and doer than a watcher and hoper so the last few weeks have been a struggle for my psyche and my nerves. Just having B in school during the day gives me a modicum of peace for a few hours although a city school in no way compares to what we have in good ole Moravia.
I can only hope and pray that she makes some new, good friends, enjoys her classes and can find a few teachers who she can confide in if the need arises. Hands-off is something way out of my comfort zone but I'm trying! Thankfully this is my favorite time of year and I can occupy my time with "fall"ing into the holidays!
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