The Happy Ghost of Christmas Past

 If I'm not on the Naughty List, I should be. I haven't posted in nearly 6 months....  Been a little busy with graduations, parties, shuffling off to Skidmore, retrieving and sending her off on her own. They say the best things to give your teen are Roots and Wings!  They may be the best but surely the hardest. New friends, new responsibilities, new time constraints and new travels alone on the highways.  So far, so good! Celebrated her 18th birthday for the first time without family. New friends took up the slack. Tattoo one and now TaTWO on her own; both meaningful and classy.

Now on to the purpose of this Christmas Eve epistle of remembrance.  Eighteen years ago this morning we lost Dad. Two of my very best gal friends lost their Dads on Christmas Eve too. I guess He had a plan for the  decades down the road.

The memories I have of Christmases past are full blown and still clearly visible. Hopefully, for many more Christmases to come;

• Right after Thanksgiving, my sister and I would find the stencils, grab the sponges, get Mom to buy us a fresh pink can of Glass Wax and head to Hewitt Bros. to "holiday up" those big windows.
• Dad would get those big old C7 lights from the attic and string them on the floor throughout the house to replace the ones that had given up from the year before.  There was "a way" they needed to be strung across the front shrubs and Mom guided the placement..(probably with a Pall Mall in hand!)
• Dad and I always went to John's Grocery and picked out our tree. Dad had the patience of Job and a multitude of needles stuck in the knit gloves he always chose to wear...(pretty sure he had many leather pairs he could have grabbed.)
• We'd bring it to the porch and he would saw off the trunk a bit and put it in the rusty red and green stand we always used. This was above and beyond as there was nothing handy about my Dad....All of his handiness came from that amazing brain settled right under that wavy head of  awesome hair.
• A few days later after the tree "relaxed", we brought it to the spot where Mom resided the other 11 months of the year...her perch in the lower bay window... I got to crawl under and fill the stand with its daily drink.
• Usually a couple of weeks before Christmas we would take our annual trip to Hotel Syracuse. It seemed like NYC to us as we drove by the stores and billboards we had only seen on TV. We'd shop in some of them, have a grown up dinner in a fancy restaurant in the hotel and retire to our room...Mom and Dad had "an appointment" at the bar and we were given carte blanche to order our dessert from room service in our very own room.
• The days just before Christmas, my Mom and her "helper" would make the Christmas spaghetti sauce for our dinner on Christmas day.  It was easy as nobody had to spend hours cooking that holiday...just throw the salad together and heat the garlic bread. 
• Christmas morning had an agenda! NO ONE was allowed downstairs until Mom and Dad had descended. Once they confirmed that Santa had indeed been there, we were allowed to slowly head down... Dad would be holding the vintage, double bulb spotlight while Mom was filming.  That spotlight is now the light over the mancave bathroom sink in my house... We were then allowed to gasp and smile and beg to go straight to the mantle but we knew it was into the kitchen for juice and coffee.  We downed those juice glasses in record time and headed to the fireplace. Stockings were a free for all...we opened all at once.  Of course, Santa had filled the toes of the stockings with oranges and the annual lifesavers, socks and a few goodies specifically for each of us.  Then off to the kitchen for breakfast. Scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, cinnamon buns and juice or milk.... ( coincidentally exactly what tomorrow morning's breakfast is at EIEIO.)
• We'd pick up the table, find our gift spot (where we'd place each gift so it didn't get lost or thrown out with the wrappings) and a place to sit in the living room!  Then we'd open....finally...one-at-a-time. (coincidentally just like we'll do tomorrow morning!)
• We'd have poppers (an English tradition) and don our paper crowns and read our silly jokes. The ugly, now beautiful Santa and Mrs. Claus would sit on each side of the gold angels slowly circling from the fire of a few tiny, slender candles.  After dinner we'd gather around the Organaire (electric organ) and sing a few carols. I'd actually play and we'd all sing...we were so v bad!!!! We'd end with Oh Holy Night.  Those high notes were killers but we pretty much kept straight faces and made God proud.... at least that's what we were told.
• By this time it would be getting dark and as we got older, my sister and brother would often rush off to see their friends. I would marvel at all the things I had been given by Santa, my sibs and my folks. My two all-time favorites were a Barbie house and a pink clock radio that Mom had packed in an old suitcase so I wouldn't guess what it was.

Hoping Jeff and my grands keep some of those goofy traditions...and if they don't, they at least remember them for the next 50 years♥

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 Couldn't believe it was time to take Senior pictures. Couldn't believe it was the beginning of her Senior year. Couldn't believe college applications went in and acceptances came back. Couldn't believe it was time for her SECOND trip abroad. Couldn't believe it was time to line Main Street with Senior banners. Couldn't believe it was the LAST day of school (elementary, middle school and high school!) Couldn't believe it was 24 hours until graduation. Couldn't believe it was over!  Couldn't believe we had one day to get to Skidmore for the Summer Institute. Can't believe it's one week before I head to Saratoga and pick up my college freshman for a few weeks off before she heads right back!!!  That's a lot of disbelief for an old gal!  

Just when it's the time in my life that I'd like things to slow down just a touch and it's still full speed ahead.  I guess I'll have time to relax when I'm in that pepper shaker. (FYI, my ashes are going in a pepper shaker so I can still attend Senior therapy at breakfast every morning.  It might be a bit quieter there but their eggs will taste better!)

I'm hoping that Bailee will learn to take things in stride, soak in the experiences, learn as much as she possibly can and take what she should seriously and what she shouldn't, lightly!  She is totally in charge of what comes next.  No more "you have tos, no more you need tos, just a lifetime of want tos. You make the decisions and learn to live with the failures and thrive with the successes. We've all been there, done that!  Now, we pass the torch....very Olympian of us!

In this book of life, we've gotten through several chapters. Some were fun, some were exciting, some were terrifying, some were disappointing and some were rewarding and others were jam-packed with joy!. Hopefully this will be a long novel of triumphs and successes. I hope to be able to hold onto this book for considerably more time. Grand events will be many and I expect to pen about each one.  No epilogs in the near future if I can help it.....and believe me, I can help it!!!!!!

MOTHER

 Mother... such a versatile word. It can be a noun, a verb, an adjective or even an adverb! You can have a lovely mother. You can mother your students like your own. You can act motherly to others' children and you can most definitely be a Mother Fu#*er! I have been acquainted with all of the former adaptations.

I was fortunate to have known my mother, two grandmothers and one great grandmother all as different and unique as their generation.  Each of those generations I would choose over the three I have been blessed to be a part of. (I know I ended a sentence with a preposition!) I wouldn't have missed any of the stress, the modernization or even the technology....mostly because I would never have been privy to them in the first place. I never complained about a phone cord or the television ending at the Star Spangled Banner or looking clean, age appropriate and dignified at school.  I loved covering my books on the first day with paper bags and polishing my sneakers often to keep them white. I never found it unpleasant to eat dinner together, wait till my Mom was seated to begin or doing the dishes afterwards. Cheerleading was the bomb.....it was our only option as a sport.. We didn't complain (much) about our gym suits because we all looked ridiculous wearing them and no one gave us an alternative.. We even knew our teachers from the students as the women wore dresses and skirts and the men, shirts and ties.  What a novel, respectful thing.

I am not begrudging now...ok a maybe a little, but life was simple! Girls were girls, boys were boys, adults were respected ....yes sometimes JUST because they were adults and possibly hadn't quite earned it.  Some of my friends were disciplined. Some were paddled, some were slapped, some were belted but I generally only needed the look.  I did however; at sixteen, wash my own mouth out with soap, Ivory in fact. It was not fun but highly recommended for the first time using the F word in front of a parent. Today, you wouldn't even be able to distinguish houses along a street surrounded by the bubbles emanating from windows and doors if this practice were still used today.  That horrible, corporal punishment  generally did the trick.... Our generation is not heavy with assholes.....I wish I could say that about the present generation.   Do not mistake my sentiment, we are still surrounded by idiots from our generation but I'm not sure that can be traced to lack of discipline.

Back to the subject at hand.... Mothers. It is Mother's Day. I had a kind Mom. Nothing overtly smoochy or lovey but kind, caring and she did her job.  She enjoyed her children and grandchildren. She wasn't a babysitter, she didn't wear an apron or bake pies but we ate well, spoke well, read well, enjoyed sports, kept our beds made and our rooms clean, did our homework on time and respected our elders!!!! 

I, as a Mom, had wonderful successes and monumental failures. I own them all 100%! You read everywhere that a mother's love is unconditional. Mine is not!  That's as honest as I can possibly be. What you see is what you get.  Mother's Day is fine just as it is today in 2024. I have no mother, grandmothers or aunts with whom to celebrate. That's ok... I have great memories of all of them. I have friends who are some of the most wonderful moms I have ever been blessed to know. We are all different yet all the same.  They are celebrating today in a way that makes them happy ad fulfilled.  Me too! I was treated to breakfast by Jeff and Jett and now I am in my lovely home writing, which I love, reading which I love and will dine on cheese, crackers and a bloody mary once the clock strikes noon.

Who could ask for more! Happy Mother's Day to me!♥

Slacker

 Haven't penned a thing (but checks) since December. I must not entirely let my brain turn to mush.  Names fail me, words fail me and sometimes what the hell I'm doing fails me but an idle mind is not a good thing in your 70s!

 It seems as though the past couple of months have literally zoomed past me.  My chores are few and not much different than they have been but I seem to be bogged down with a major case of rumination.  It can be terminal if you let it and I have not found an elixir that helps...till now.  Last marking period grades for my "dependent" were awful.  A sheer lack of ambition is the only cause I can nail down. This gal is SOOO smart and it kills me to see the possibility of throwing away what she previously worked so hard for..(I know, I ended a sentence with a preposition!)  As I constantly ruminate about the whys, I constantly ponder the WSSDs (What should Sandy do)  After many cases of rolling eyes, snide remarks, slamming doors and huffy attitudes, I've decided that harping is NOT the answer. It is so disappointing to me that studies are not a priority.  "It's different now...it's not the 60s!"  No kidding... All the things she has, I had....except screens. I'm pretty sure what saved us (the gals of the 60s) was that spiral cord that only reached so far.  And it wasn't tucked away in your bedroom, a bathroom, your car, your classroom or even the living room... It just hung there on the kitchen wall where everyone passed by, everyone could hear and you couldn't take stupid pictures of yourself and share with the world every 5 minutes. Last night she had mere seconds to grab a shot and she snapped a photo of the ceiling...WTH! It wasn't important what she was snapping...just that she got it in in time... I am so confused.

So back to the fix, the elixir.  It most likely will not make things better for her but for me.  Once the epiphany hit me, I immediately felt lighter...literally!  I'm no longer cleaning the empty cans and dirty dishes from her room! laundry is her problem, no work clothes...too bad. Homework not done..her problem. I refuse to worry my way through what little time I might have left. I handle 100% of the household obligations ✔ I see to it that all the bills are promptly paid on time✔ I try to remember to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, marriages and graduations for all those I care about✔ and I watch and read whatever I want whenever I want.  I am nearly 72 and I can and I will!!!! Attaching worry to all those things will only shorten the days ahead and make them unhappy... I don't have time for unhappy.  

Please don't think that my sassy dependent makes me unhappy all the time.... There is so much more joy than sadness but it is often carrying disappointment too. I can't fix that. That will only come with making mistakes and learning from them. If I could flip my 71 back to 17, I'd work my ass off to get outa Dodge (or Locke.) I'd have stayed in college and pursued what I wanted and not others. Don't get me wrong, I loved almost every experience I ever had after high school... I had a couple of fantastic jobs, traveled a bit, met wonderful guys that will forever be etched in my mind and a few in my heart and did the things that were scripted for the 70s. Maybe not exactly as they were written but close. In retrospect, had I pursued what I wanted, rather than what was expected, I think I might be freer, happier and more content than I am today.  Just sayin'

So, she now has to form her own path, decide what and who goes with her on that path and where exactly she hopes to arrive...That's pretty tough when your frontal lobe has not yet completely formed but generationally, it's been accomplished and hopefully she will will get it done.

So, for now, my chores are mine, her chores are hers and with the help of prayer and hope, a film crew from Hoarders will not pull in the driveway in the near future. Basically, I'm too old for this...period!

Where have I been?

 Where have I been?  A very good question. For the few that even read these ramblings, I have been mothering, grandmothering, Christmasing, shopping, cleaning, book-working and reading....with a little weekend footballing included.  Needless to say, I am ready for Christmas and can sit back a relax...a little. This week is just one special lunch and then next week is jam packed with something every single day...Then Santa arrives!

  On top of the Christmas chaos, it has been college application time.  Bailee applied to St. Bonaventure and Skidmore with Skidmore being her #1 choice. She applied early admission there and rolling admission to ST. Bonaventure.  She was also accepted into 7 different colleges through the Common App.  The only one she chose to apply for was Nazareth in Rochester.  She was accepted at St. Bonaventure 2 weeks ago with a pretty nice Provost Scholarship.  Still, it was her second choice and she was still crossing her fingers for Skidmore.  Their portal opened at 7:00p.m. on 12/7/23!  THAT was a long day. Finally, at 7 p.m., she clicked open the page that held a beautiful acceptance letter and nearly a full ride. We were over the moon and back again!!!!!  The acceptance rate is only 23% so we were a bit skeptical of admittance.  She was also accepted into the Summer Academic Institue!  That begins on graduation week-end and goes through August 3rd.  So much for Trap Nationals in Michigan, graduation parties and summer money!  The opportunity far exceeds those concessions.  The reality is setting in that I only have 6 more months with this girl before she is whisked off to the next phase of her education and life in general.  I am so proud...and SO SAD!  She's already chatting with last year's freshmen and planning her semester abroad and all the things college life entails. Thankfully, her Christmas is comprised of all the things she'll need now sooner than we anticipated.

  Jeff and Jett are firmly entrenched in their barndominion on the hill.  Jeff is working at Borg Warner and his probationary status is up today. Three months in already!  It's sometimes hard to jockey his time with Jett but he spends every second with him that's humanly possible.  They have an amazing bond and are two peas in a pod....

  Bailee takes her driver's test just after the first of the year. She has a car and will then give me a whole new set of fears!  This "mothering" thing at my age is hard on the emotions.  I may need to get into recreational drugs (Valium) and more alcohol intake to just survive!!!

  I guess that brings my readers up to date. I'll get back to you all in 2024. (weren't we supposed to be traveling and/ or living on the moon or Mars by then?)  Hoping you all have a safe, healthy and happy holiday season and gather with all your friends and family!♥

My Semi-annual Words of Wisdom!

 How can it possibly be that I haven't penned my thoughts in 6 months. Obviously, have voiced them regularly so that must have satiated my verbal appetite. (I realize I do not look hungry in any form) 

It's a new year! My year as always begun in September with the renewal of life at home and at school. This will be my last year of MCS in this house. A very sad revelation and one that I thought was over years ago. Thankfully, I got a four year reprieve! I always enjoyed school!! As a student, each new day was exciting. I would get home from school, grab a bite, change my clothes and do homework. The rest of the day and evening were mine to enjoy. Nobody told me I had to do these things, I just knew...and did them. As a parent, I tried to instill this routine in my kids. We all know how that worked. One did enough to get by and the other did zip! Guess who is who? I loved sports but unfortunately lived in a time before Title 9. That left me with intramurals through the school day and cheerleading...period!  Neither of my kids were athletic as one loved anything with a motor and the other loved nothing. Guess who is who?  Fast forward to today! It is a 2 generation skip and being a "parent" again at 71 to a student of 17 is precarious to say the least. They (she) comes home from school and goes directly to her room. She doesn't run into things as she is keenly astute at navigating everything from leaving the car to weaving past furniture and landing directly in her room while never lifting her eyes from her phone. (maybe she's looking at GPS??) Changing her clothes , if she chooses, takes about 8 seconds as there was very little covering very little in the first place. The question of homework is followed by a glaring eyeroll that would screw a normal human (non-teenager) directly into the floor! The snack generally follows and sometimes can be eaten directly from a prior snack that has been fossilizing on a bedside table or desk for an unspecified amount of time. This is all completely normal in 2023.....or so I have been told.

Life is different! I am tired! Senior year awaits. I pick my battles and hope to choose wisely as my stamina and my patience are running neck and neck and will not cross the finish line first. The year will include, college searches, applications, essays, financial aid woes, 7 core, difficult courses along with a part-time job, passing a driver's test, Senior dinner dance, and throw in a trip to Costa Rica and Panama and hopefully an invitation to the nationals in Michigan to shoot! All culminating with graduation!! Thank God my Christmas shopping in mostly complete.

I really am not complaining, too much, and I do have the joys of a 7 year old who makes me laugh, "regrets everything" about 2nd grade and is already addicted to screen time. Thank heaven that his Dad only allows so many minutes per hour and the rest...OUTSIDE. He likes his motorcycles, football and his newest passion is fishing! 

Sevens are definitely wild and we will see where 2024 takes us. Life for a 7, 17 and 71 year old are just a wee bit different. Stay tuned...

Nom De Plume

 I have never yearned to be anonymous....till now.  Today, and possibly in the future, I.M. Tired is the author of this blog.

Fatigue, disappointment, futility, exploited......just a few words to describe my latest emotional state. I don't believe that everyone is purposefully in the exploited category but possibly I've lumped them there for lack of a better adjective.

In this family, I handle the "lys!" Logistically, financially, emotionally, physically and even proactively! 

                                                                                                                     I.M. Tired

Unforeseen circumstances creep up in most every family unit.  We often don't see them but in today's world of social media we often hear about them. Illnesses, accidents, break-ups...innumerable hardships are shared with the world. Some earth shattering, some life changing and some are just unhappy with the cost of eggs. Some complain about the tribulations of parenting and their lack of sleep and some have unbearable financial woes while showing off their latest manicure. Hypocrisy and entitlement are alive and well. Some don't even realize they're the poster-children of these two rapidly growing sections of today's community.

I probably should just stop reading social media. Mostly it's depressing, angering and upsetting.

                                                                                                                    I.M. Tired

I am convinced that much of my angst is due to age. It is indeed true that you can have it all and still have nothing. I am unconditionally grateful for all that I have!  I am not hungry (obviously.) I am not cold (bodily.) I am not physically uncomfortable (minus age related creeks, cracks and limitations.) I have wonderful friends and a small handful of amazing relatives. I have the majority of my mind in tact and the freedom to speak it freely... this has never been an issue. With all of these positive things, I am the most unhappy I have been in my nearly 71 years:-(

                                                                                                                    I.M. Tired

My Golden years are tarnished and I'm not quite sure how...or if.... getting the shine back is something achievable.  I have the means but not sure I have the ability.  I have the desire but not fortitude.  

                                                                                                                    I.M. Tired

 I can't believe I haven't blogged in a few months.  It's extremely cathartic and keeps my spelling and grammar skills polished...actually Face Book does that as I almost always find some way to correct those who have no idea they're actually murdering the King's English. Some don't catch it, some don't know it and some don't care!  It always makes me chuckle to see an educator use your instead of you're and it is done a lot (which by the way is two words!)

Anyway, I digress!  The last few months have been busy both physically and mentally.  Every day seems to be mentally busy...birthdays, holidays, every day!  Being the grandmother of a teenager is not an easy task. It's tough at 40 and even tougher at 70.  I have had to acquiesce to the fact that much is done differently in the 20s than it s was a few decades ago.  I struggle with this!  How is it even remotely right that girls can go to school with only part of their upper torso covered and holes in their jeans that cost twice as much as they should with only half as much material. Mind boggling.  

The world of the 2020s is filled with shortcuts.  Words seem to be obsolete and replaced by letters only. TBH, I totally struggle reading some texts. IDK if it's a matter of being lazy or just a new language. Sometimes I want to reply to a questioning text by just typing IDFK....I would think it was funny and she would find it totally acceptable and maybe not even see the irony. There are times when she actually wants to chat with me, in person, one on one...especially if she has T,,,which I finally figured out has nothing to do with hot water, a cup and a tea bag and everything to do with gossip. One of my biggest pet peeves is who exactly I am in her eyes.  I'm "girl", "bestsie" and sometimes "bruh" but that's more Jett's vernacular. I am still waiting for Grandma. Gram even Granny!

I'm probably the only grandma that has to include in her nightly prayers (which btw, take about 10 minutes now) to please give her granddaughter more ambition and less attitude. I wonder how God handled teenagers..  ironically rhetorical as that is what Bailee is studying now in Advanced English, rhetoric not God!

As spring approaches, newer changes are taking place.  Prom dresses I would choose are not what she has in mind. "A slutty good girl" is her perception of attire for the prom. I don't like strapless, she doesn't like "straps!" Not having boobs handles that one. We collectively decided that it's her prom, her money and her choice.  Details to follow.   Also this spring is a huge European trip to Spain and Portugal.  Children from Very Small Town, USA should be taught a course in You're not in Kansas anymore Dorothy. I can only cross my fingers that the 3 very competent chaperones will keep a close eye on the group that's literally leaving the nest, the tree and the humans who have literally fed them for the past 16 years. Once again, my prayers get longer!

We're now at mid-term of the Junior year and regents are upon us and the reality of only one more year of HS until they must make often life changing decisions.  Hopefully, it will soon hit them that grades matter (financially if not educationally,) they may not soon be actually residing with their lifetime fixer and Great Grandpa may have ultimately been right when he said, "You're judged by the company you keep!"

I will be waiting for the first text from college that ends with YWFR!!! (You Were Fucking Right)

Go With the Flow

 I always thought I was a "go with the flow" kinda gal. When I was a child, I'd go where I was supposed to, say the things I was supposed to, color in the lines, respect my elders and get the best possible grades!  When I was a teenager, I'd keep up my grades, continue to respect my elders (which included teachers,) keep my curfews, enjoy my friends (old and new) and tow the line while trying not to go with the (wrong) flow! As a young adult , I enjoyed the random cigarette after a few Rolling Rocks and paced myself so I didn't follow the flow in the wrong direction or jump into the entirely unacceptable new body of water.  Next I became a wife and Mom. I really should have put more thought into that one.  I purposely became Mom to 2 kids.  During their childhoods, they were pretty great.  One boy first, then a girl and the dog and the hamster and the little league and the dance classes and all the things that this flow was supposed to contain. We had it all but the picket fence.  As they became teens, I tried to stay in the same stream. Motocross racing consumed much of our lives but he was soooo good and I was sooo proud. 

Fast forward to failed marriages, poor partner choices on each of their parts and the flow of disappointment began!  But still...I tried to go with the flow, however murky and crooked it became. After all, wasn't that my job? 3 weddings, three divorces... this appeared to be more like going down shit creek without a paddle than going with the flow.  To top it off, I was continuing to get older.....a lot older.

Then my Dad  died :-( The saddest event of my life to that point. Thankfully, it was just as he had hoped...fast and relatively painless...a matter of hours!  The next few years were filled with emotional (both happy and sad) ups and downs. The river was "rapidly" changing.  We built a new house, Mom died a slow, forgetful death, My daughter made horrendous choices, my son began battling a debilitating illness and I ended up navigating these waters alone.  Only one oar makes the trip a lot tougher.  

Now, my son is healthy, my granddaughter lives with us and we're in the thralls of another construction project. Going with the flow with a teenager requires patience, large deep breaths, random moments of solitude and a life jacket. The life jacket has been particularly necessary the last few weeks and has been keeping me afloat.  Just when I think the waters have calmed, a new wave approaches and I tread water awhile while I'm mentally accepting the new direction.  

I'm pretty sure that old age wasn't exactly scripted this way but my options are few and I'm still hoping the journey will be a positive one for most of us.  My bucket list never included wild water rafting but I'm seeing where the bucket might just bail me out. 

Please God, Let me "Go with the Flow!🙏

A Decade of Difference

 It's been just a bit too long between posts but here I am. My Happy New Year. Always thought the year began in September when the kids were back in school and we returned to some semblance of order and routine. I'm always shamed when I say my favorite day of the week is Monday. Seriously, that's the day of order in my court!

 Today was Bailee's first day of 11th grade... Yikes. Not entirely how I thought my senior years would be but we're figuring it out....by we, I mean me!  Eye rolling, door slamming, sarcasm and the like are all part of the teen years...so they say. I really don't remember me doing those things but that was nearly 55 years ago and I can't remember if I brushed my teeth this morning!

 I probably am a little overbearing and look at life a little bit differently than a 16 year old but my perspective is juuuuust a little bit of a contrast than hers!  I try to see the bigger picture; the college years, the finances and the future while Bailee sees...TODAY and possibly a hint of tomorrow! It most likely has to do with the fact that a 70 year old's future holds a bit precarious. 

 On the other hand, we have a 6 year old who is just entering first grade tomorrow as a seasoned student. This will be his 5th year in a school room setting.  He's pretty much over 1-2-3 and A-B-C! It takes time to write neatly and color in the lines so a priority for these tasks isn't in the cards...yet!  He was (actually, I was) filling out a a paper that his new teacher sent him to tell her a little about himself.  He likes math, his favorite subject however; is gym. His hope for 1st grade is that his teacher will like him....Seriously, who in their right mind wouldn't? (says his Grandma who believes he is the most handsome kid in 1st grade and a genius!) 

 Regardless of the decade of difference between my two grands, they both have the ability and potential to be a success. I may not get to see the finished product but I know the ingredients are there!  

The title is....."Entitled"!

 My favorite day of the week is Monday (as many of you know!)  A normal schedule resumes and life goes on....as hoped!

  Bailee and her grandfather returned from the National Trap Shooting Tourney in Michigan.  The kids did well but none of our four qualified.  There are some pretty awesome shooters throughout the country.  Lots of fun and lessons learned which leads me to believe that they, meaning Bailee, are capable of learning! 

  Today's teenagers are an odd group.  Normal families is/are an oxymoron.... This is a fact and not an assumption. Ours consists of an enabled 72 year old, a healing 43 year old, a pretentious 6 year old, an entitled 15 year old and an aging 70 year old trying to make a cohesive, functioning family from the preceding components.  It ain't easy!

  Circumstances surrounding each member are a story in itself.  Let's just take the teenager.......please. I ask for 4 small things from this person. From one who knows everything (being the child) and the other who knows nothing (being me,) these four asks should be relatively simple. They are not...obviously!

1. Make your bed  
2. Close your drawers
3. Keep your clothes off the floor
4. Verbalize your life without the F word...constantly and loudly

I understand that life is generational and I'm not in the latest one. In fact, I am so far removed, that these four tasks would never have to even be mentioned in my 1960s household. Not so much in 2022!  If I hear the words "what difference does it make" a few more times, I might likely have the big one!  Sadly, as I have penned before, I have lost the privilege of being a fun Grandma and I obviously haven't earned the status of  ruler of the governing body of this household.  Two things I cannot tolerate...lying and disrespect.  This statement yesterday ( from said teenager) says it all..."I don't show respect for you and you don't show respect for me!"  I'm still sorting this one out.  Respect must be earned...I get that. Even with age, I guess nobody is entitled to respect unless you've earned it. I must be failing on my end somewhere.  Now, on the subject of respecting teenagers....they must manage their emotions, set and achieve goals and earn that respect.... it's NOT a given!! Even if you've been dealt a bad hand, that doesn't entitle you a pass for being disrespectful. Walking on eggshells, not hurting feelings and letting rudeness pass has run its course here. Actions have consequences and I need to step up and deliver them... There should be no bail reform at EIEIO.... free to continue to commit your offense teaches nothing and only proves that this family court isn't doing their job!

Now that I have committed these thoughts to paper, it will be an entirely harder task to bring them to fruition. It's easier for me to make the bed, pick up the clothes, shut the drawers and disregard the F bombs but then I'm just as miserable albeit with a clean room! ... Let's see if I can walk the walk or if I'll continue to just talk the talk.... Pray for me ;-)🙏

Out of the Mouths

 A child's brain is an amazing organ.  One that, they say, consumes so much information from birth to age 4 that an adult's brain would burn out.  I love that you can actually see the wheels turning as they take in, process and retain what they see, hear and now (at age 6) read!  

  The other day Jett was telling us that when we die; Bailee, Papa Today, me and even his parents, he will visit our "riprocks" and bring us each a flower.  Riprock, you say? we did too...and then after listening intently, we realized he was remembering seeing a headstone at mini golf when they played last week.  To him, it was just a large rock and written in bold print was R I P...hence, the riprock.. One of my very favorite kidisms to date!

Earlier in the day, he had noticed a lingering hair on my upper lip that had been overlooked by my favorite, never to be misplaced or uncharged, aging women's tool...the mustache and chin plucker. He touched it carefully, contemplated his next remark very carefully for an unfiltered child of six and claimed I very closely resembled a catfish!!!  WTH.... 

The honesty and ability to be forthwith with his thoughts is something that brings me great joy. He is now old enough to know that occasionally, he should keep his thoughts to himself but seldom has the ability to do so.........much like his Grandma!♥

The Waiting Game!

 Never has patience been my strong suit.  I have learned, with age, to understand, to some degree, that I can't change much.  (did I need all those commas?)  After nearly seven decades, I know to take long deep breaths, trust that all will be well, pray and know that I can handle whatever the outcome of my waiting brings.  I tried typing those words and now I will try to live them!

Jeff is in Rochester for another procedure. You'd think I would handle them better each time but......Lee drove him there and I stayed back to get the kids off to school and comfortably go about my morning routine.  For old people, that's dressing without tipping over, coffee, breakfast, bathroom and these days "wordle!" Being competitive on the toilet is sometimes a challenge.  If I ever get it in two tries, I'll be happy I'm on the thrown as I will definitely #%@* ! Now everyone who reads my Wordle daily achievement will know where it was accomplished! Oh well!

Back to the virtue of patience. This morning I am hearing every tick of the clock so a little 60's Beach Boys is in order. Being home alone is usually a peaceful perk that seldom happens these days.  Today it's much too quiet.  With my phone close by, I will hum a few tunes, chat with Alexa and pass the hours till a phone call comes. It's hard to do all that with your fingers crossed but I'm getting better. Arthritis helps as most of my fingers are already bent in criss- cross fashion. 

Wish me luck, Wish Jeff luck and keep those amazing Doctors in your prayers.... They control so much...including my waiting game!

Soapy...or Sappy!

 I once thought how cool it would be to be "in" a soap opera!  Lately I've realized...I am!!! I used to think how awesome it would be to fall off a cliff and die and return a few years later, or have the ability and stamina to marry your father's brother's sister's niece's dad and have it be completely normal. Or possibly have your adopted child forfeit her ability to parent, move away, move back, get arrested and then decide to give it another try...with a completely new child.  "How twistedly normal would all that be," she said rhetorically!

Thankfully, in a soap opera these are just written words portrayed by second class actors (IMHO!)  In real life, they're the events that are the onset of gray hair, stress related illnesses, wrinkles and premature aging. Who doesn't want all that in their daily life!

In a soap, you can just turn off the boob tube and carry on with your everyday activities. Probably a second thought isn't given to anything you watched unless a friend asks what you thought about that day's episode and you hash over the what ifs!  With age comes wisdom, premature or otherwise and is one welcomed advantage. After the past 12 months, I am no longer blindsided by any event. The "you're supposed to(s)" are in the rearview mirror and no longer affect my thinking!  Fingers crossed that all (well, most) drama outside of the soaps affects me as much as the drama inside.  

The rules are actually quite simple:

• Love the ones who love you back
• Mind your own business
• Give second chances (only)
• Offer advice when asked and take it when needed
• Breathe, relax and carry on   

100 ....a very scary number!

 Today is Jett's 100th day of Kindergarten.  He's already wise beyond his years as this is actually his FOURTH year of "school!" Two years of pre-school, one year of Pre K and now K. He's top in his class. (his teacher actually said so and we knew it anyway;-)  He does math in his head, reads like a second grader and colors like a toddler.......Oh well, 2 outa three ain't bad!!!  We finally realized his coloring was mostly scribbled as recess depends on finishing your work.... She obviously never said to finish it neatly!  The attitude may change when they make him redo it next year to achieve recess time....

Last night he gave me a hug and shared that he was so sad for me........I questioned his sadness and found out he was sad because I was so old.  Then we were both sad!!!  Oh well, he's not wrong. Becoming a septuagenarian is not the most exciting milestone:-( The only saving grace is that most of my friends are already acclimated to the term and the rest are joining this year.  We are beginning to expect less of each and are tickled when we can remember past experiences and each other's names.  I got on my knees yesterday (rare occurrence) to dust under a table and was pretty sure I'd be there until someone came home. I finally rolled onto my side, grabbed the table leg, sat up, banged my head, cussed profusely and decided any reoccurring dust was there until my demise!  Such limitations I will learn to live with besides who the hell is ever under my table anyway?

My friend's Mom is literally GOING to be 100 in 2 days and my Mom would have been this year as well. I tried explaining that to Jett and he thought it was quite humorous...as is most every story I share. He practiced walking as an old man with back trouble but thought that wasn't the best way as an old man would most definitely fart a lot if he really walked in that position!!!   Once again, wise beyond his years.

I guess I'll just dress up as a 70 year old and accept the fact that the makeup is already applied...permanently!!!!

6 on 6

 Another birthday is in the books! Jett turned 6 on the 6th.  He had a party at his Mom's on Saturday and a little party here on his birthday!.  Aunt Kyle and Uncle Ray joined us for pizza and presents.  He loved everything...especially "the cash!"  (Ok, that's starting early)  He's a pretty good saver so hopefully he's on the right money train.

It sure seems that once the number 5 birthday is over, he becomes a little man. Kind of like going from 17- 18 and you're supposed to be a different person in that 24 hours...Nope...doesn't work that way. He still likes to snuggle, give kisses and hugs and tears are still near the surface for boo boos and hurt feelings! He did have his bed moved into a different room than Daddy's and he slept all night.  Just a little preemption (and practice) to sleeping away from Dad in their new house!

Kids back to school today after a 3 day week-end for Jett and a four day stint for B.  Water main break in the village for Thursday and our first snow day for Friday. They enjoyed that.. This year they are back to actual no school, no work snow days. During the peak of the pandemic, snow days became virtual days with work to be done! I never thought I would say this but I can't wait for Bailee to be finished with high school.:-(

Our college and "major" decisions will begin next year. I'm hoping that will be fun for us both.  I am looking forward to a good student who wants to go to college and understands the complexities of the process and the outcome.

Lee off to Florida this week.... MY vacation begins :-)

I'm Baaaaack!

 It's been a crazy few months with healthcare, grandcare, holidays and winter. Today is groundhog day and according to the movie, we keep reliving the time over and over again....."PLEASE GOD, NO!"  Today is actually sunny, about 20 degrees warmer than it has been for the past several weeks and the literal calm before the storm... Warnings and watches abound as we're expecting 6-12 inches of snow...Oh no!!!! Listen folks I'm at the end of my 70th year here on earth in this crazy, volatile, ambiguous state where anything can happen and usually does.  A foot of snow will neither panic me or slow me down..... well maybe slow me down a little. It's winter here in February and nobody should be surprised if it snows.  Snow actually beautifies what usually has become icy, dirty or too crappy to enjoy.  The kids will hope for a snow day, which actually has been restored to an absolute day off...no remote learning, just a stay in your jammies day or suit up and play in the white stuff.

Trying to catch you all up while I've been on sabbatical would take too long, too many words and stories that even I couldn't make up. Suffice it to say, It's been a long few months. Jeff has been gaining in strength, Bailee has been killing it in academics and Jett has been growing up too fast. He'll be 6 on Sunday!  Jeff is in the process of building a barndominium on his new land, Bailee is looking forward to her Junior year when she will be spending 11 days in Spain and Portugal and Jett will be getting settled in his new digs and organizing his Minecraft clubhouse. (no worries, I don't know what Minecraft is either.) As long as we all have things to look forward to, we're good!

Every day for me still comes filled with worries and "what may be" but I'm learning to live each day on its own merits and not invite or obsess about the future. Life literally will be what you make it with various hiccups along the way. When they arrive, I'll hold my breath or even drink out of the opposite side of the glass (what's in it is my business!) I have pledged to myself to write at least once a week or maybe more.  Quiet time is at a premium these days and I treasure it knowing it will change soon and I'll love that too. 

For now, Happy Winter, Happy 2-2-22, Happy Groundhog Day and I'll pen (or type) something insightful soon♥

What a Difference a Month Makes!

 It has been the worst of days and the best of days!  A month ago today, Jeff woke feeling worse than normal.  He was filled with too much fluid that was literally drowning him. We headed to Ithaca hospital (which might have been a mistake) with hopes of no wait time in the ED.  As it were, his blood pressure was critically low and the some action finally began.  We spent the most part of the day in the ED where they put in a central line to get BP meds directly to his heart.  Finally the decision was made to transport him to the closest large hospital with an ICU bed... Upstate here we come.. They transported him via ambulance and a nurse.  Once in the ICU, he was evaluated and it was confirmed that his liver and kidneys were failing.  NOT a good prognosis.  The nurses and most of the Docs were exceptional. One Dr. in particular obviously failed Bedside Manner 101 and will forever be on our "Shit List!"  Finally, after a few days of pleading with them to call Strong, where we had been doctoring for 6 months, a young resident took the initiative and called Rochester. Another wait for an open ICU bed there and "we" were on our way, once again via ambulance and a nurse, to U of R/Strong Memorial Hospital.  Our highest hopes included addition to the transplant list...ASAP.... time was running out. Sunday, the transplant surgeon said a liver had been located....and a few hours later, "an even better liver was secured!!"  Upon reflection, I marveled at the fact that an organization that covers the entire United States had not only found a liver but found a second one even better suited to Jeff.  They never stopped looking for something  better.......AMAZING.

This team of amazing men and women gave up their Memorial Day to save the life of a man they only knew by statistics and charts.  They stood for 12.5 hours to painstakingly disassemble the torso of a human and replace the largest organ (albeit the skin) that virtually runs your system.  Words escape me....(I know ;-) 

The next couple of days were very scary. Intubated and tubes from every orifice were frightening for not only Jeff but Lee and me. Nobody ever wants to see their child in a life and death situation unable to communicate. By Wednesday, the vent was removed and those big, beautiful eyes opened clearly...and were WHITE.  Each day progressed a little more.... We waited for the kidneys to "wake up" and they did. We waited for the fluid to go back where it belonged and it slowly did. We waited for a full, regular diet and we got it... An oddity of the first few weeks was his taste buds had changed and everything that used to taste good...was pretty yucky.  Of course, with hospital food, identification was even tricky.  Finally a move from the ICU to the Organ Transplant floor.  Yep, a whole wing dedicated to organ transplants.  PT began, heading to bathroom, moving from chair to bed etc. all started to materialize. Then......."you can go home this afternoon." 18 days of hell and a new liver and we were headed to EIEIO.  Hallelujah!

We had the support and prayers of one hell of a group of friends and family. I never would have survived this 3 week journey if it weren't for so many concerned friends who were family and family who were friends! Jacki and Ally Brown literally lowered my stress level by merely existing. They took Bailee under their wings during the last few weeks of school, they took her to job interviews, covid vaccines and everything in between. A safer more nurturing harbor has never existed. They even all journeyed to Rochester to spend the toughest week-end ever with me.  NO words will ever be written well enough to express my gratitude and love.  I mean seriously, who finds a liver cookie cutter and makes perfectly delicious pink smooth, non wrinkly cookies to share.. That's you Ally B♥  I would not have made it through the intricacies of modern medicine and lab results if it weren't for my family Docs, Dr. Dyer and Dr. Sweet and my in-house nurses and NP,  Mary B. and Kelly P. You two rocked my uneducated world. Then there were my prayer warriors. I have never been as blessed as I was (am) with everyone's outstretched hands and warm hearts.  If I ever thought my 69 years of "Our Father, who art in heaven" was whispered to deaf ears, I was mistaken. As Bailee calls him, Sky Daddy heard us loud and clear!

We are home in our happy place surrounded by food, good wishes, phone calls, visits and friends and family. Life is good and we'll count our blessings day and night for that wonderful organization that searched the country for a liver, the team of surgeons and nurses who saved Jeff and nursed him back to life, the amazing family that rallied and never gave up hope and to Sky Daddy himself (or herself) that reunited Jeff and Jett for the best Father's Day ever!

Life is short....LIVE it!!!!!!!

From the Ridiculous to the Sublime

 Some days just go from the ridiculous to the sublime.......and right back to ridiculous again.  That was yesterday. May13,2021...It should have been a Friday!

Report cards came in the mail and I knew I had high expectations and they would hopefully be met.  They blew me away. What Freshman in today's pandemic world, gets a 99.187 average...in advanced courses no less........Mine (and others I'm sure but they're not mine!)  Four 100s and a low of 94.. I am beyond thrilled and living my best day...............till the phone rings and she says, "Come and get me, I've been quarantined!!"  We just got things back to normal..after having to have a Covid test to return to school following a day of allergies.  It's just precautionary and the rest of us can carry on as usual. It's a pain for her as her final art project is in the works, she'll miss her honors assembly and no shooting this week!  I have; however, booked an appointment for her vaccine for quarantine release day next Friday. Not me though...still holding out for some realistic numbers.

In the big picture, the sun is shining and the skies are blue, the laundry's finished and no taxes are due. 

It's a good day....so far!

UPK (U Practicing Kissing?)

 If you never have anything in life, I hope you all have a "Jett!"  He's our own personal Lon Chaney (I'm dating myself) and stand up comedian.  Nearly every day I snap a photo of one of his faces or laugh hysterically over an action, a story or an event in his little, short life.  He has an amazing memory for commercials, songs or anything he really shouldn't remember!  Whether he invites me to look at his ballooning swim trunks and says, "Check out this package!' or remarks in a low, swooning voice in the bathtub that his penis is a "blossoming flower!)

Last week was a topper.  He goes on spurts of watching the same movie over and over.  Everything from Yellow Bird to Boss Baby to Bad News Bears....(T ball just started!)  His Mom got a call from school last week that he was found in the "kitchen area" (one of his favorite play areas) in a hug and lip lock with his new sweetie, Meara! In his defense, we are all about kisses and huggies both here and at his Mom's.  With our chuckles tampered and our smiles hidden, we have all since explained that there are places for displays of affection and school isn't one of them.  I'm not completely sure that the instructions didn't fall on deaf ears but nonetheless, we tried our best to instill the boundaries.

When asked what he was doing, he proudly explained that they "were playing married!"  We're pretty sure he hadn't seen that at his Mom's house (as she's NOT married) and we're absolutely sure she didn't see it here as you must be in the same room in order to kiss your spouse!  However, Darla nd Alfalfa did play "Marriage" on his newest favorite movie, Little Rascals!"

All in all, it was fairly harmless and we're all breathing a collective sigh as we realize he was just playing "Married" and could have been playing "Doctor!"