Go With the Flow

 I always thought I was a "go with the flow" kinda gal. When I was a child, I'd go where I was supposed to, say the things I was supposed to, color in the lines, respect my elders and get the best possible grades!  When I was a teenager, I'd keep up my grades, continue to respect my elders (which included teachers,) keep my curfews, enjoy my friends (old and new) and tow the line while trying not to go with the (wrong) flow! As a young adult , I enjoyed the random cigarette after a few Rolling Rocks and paced myself so I didn't follow the flow in the wrong direction or jump into the entirely unacceptable new body of water.  Next I became a wife and Mom. I really should have put more thought into that one.  I purposely became Mom to 2 kids.  During their childhoods, they were pretty great.  One boy first, then a girl and the dog and the hamster and the little league and the dance classes and all the things that this flow was supposed to contain. We had it all but the picket fence.  As they became teens, I tried to stay in the same stream. Motocross racing consumed much of our lives but he was soooo good and I was sooo proud. 

Fast forward to failed marriages, poor partner choices on each of their parts and the flow of disappointment began!  But still...I tried to go with the flow, however murky and crooked it became. After all, wasn't that my job? 3 weddings, three divorces... this appeared to be more like going down shit creek without a paddle than going with the flow.  To top it off, I was continuing to get older.....a lot older.

Then my Dad  died :-( The saddest event of my life to that point. Thankfully, it was just as he had hoped...fast and relatively painless...a matter of hours!  The next few years were filled with emotional (both happy and sad) ups and downs. The river was "rapidly" changing.  We built a new house, Mom died a slow, forgetful death, My daughter made horrendous choices, my son began battling a debilitating illness and I ended up navigating these waters alone.  Only one oar makes the trip a lot tougher.  

Now, my son is healthy, my granddaughter lives with us and we're in the thralls of another construction project. Going with the flow with a teenager requires patience, large deep breaths, random moments of solitude and a life jacket. The life jacket has been particularly necessary the last few weeks and has been keeping me afloat.  Just when I think the waters have calmed, a new wave approaches and I tread water awhile while I'm mentally accepting the new direction.  

I'm pretty sure that old age wasn't exactly scripted this way but my options are few and I'm still hoping the journey will be a positive one for most of us.  My bucket list never included wild water rafting but I'm seeing where the bucket might just bail me out. 

Please God, Let me "Go with the Flow!🙏