Go With the Flow

 I always thought I was a "go with the flow" kinda gal. When I was a child, I'd go where I was supposed to, say the things I was supposed to, color in the lines, respect my elders and get the best possible grades!  When I was a teenager, I'd keep up my grades, continue to respect my elders (which included teachers,) keep my curfews, enjoy my friends (old and new) and tow the line while trying not to go with the (wrong) flow! As a young adult , I enjoyed the random cigarette after a few Rolling Rocks and paced myself so I didn't follow the flow in the wrong direction or jump into the entirely unacceptable new body of water.  Next I became a wife and Mom. I really should have put more thought into that one.  I purposely became Mom to 2 kids.  During their childhoods, they were pretty great.  One boy first, then a girl and the dog and the hamster and the little league and the dance classes and all the things that this flow was supposed to contain. We had it all but the picket fence.  As they became teens, I tried to stay in the same stream. Motocross racing consumed much of our lives but he was soooo good and I was sooo proud. 

Fast forward to failed marriages, poor partner choices on each of their parts and the flow of disappointment began!  But still...I tried to go with the flow, however murky and crooked it became. After all, wasn't that my job? 3 weddings, three divorces... this appeared to be more like going down shit creek without a paddle than going with the flow.  To top it off, I was continuing to get older.....a lot older.

Then my Dad  died :-( The saddest event of my life to that point. Thankfully, it was just as he had hoped...fast and relatively painless...a matter of hours!  The next few years were filled with emotional (both happy and sad) ups and downs. The river was "rapidly" changing.  We built a new house, Mom died a slow, forgetful death, My daughter made horrendous choices, my son began battling a debilitating illness and I ended up navigating these waters alone.  Only one oar makes the trip a lot tougher.  

Now, my son is healthy, my granddaughter lives with us and we're in the thralls of another construction project. Going with the flow with a teenager requires patience, large deep breaths, random moments of solitude and a life jacket. The life jacket has been particularly necessary the last few weeks and has been keeping me afloat.  Just when I think the waters have calmed, a new wave approaches and I tread water awhile while I'm mentally accepting the new direction.  

I'm pretty sure that old age wasn't exactly scripted this way but my options are few and I'm still hoping the journey will be a positive one for most of us.  My bucket list never included wild water rafting but I'm seeing where the bucket might just bail me out. 

Please God, Let me "Go with the Flow!🙏

A Decade of Difference

 It's been just a bit too long between posts but here I am. My Happy New Year. Always thought the year began in September when the kids were back in school and we returned to some semblance of order and routine. I'm always shamed when I say my favorite day of the week is Monday. Seriously, that's the day of order in my court!

 Today was Bailee's first day of 11th grade... Yikes. Not entirely how I thought my senior years would be but we're figuring it out....by we, I mean me!  Eye rolling, door slamming, sarcasm and the like are all part of the teen years...so they say. I really don't remember me doing those things but that was nearly 55 years ago and I can't remember if I brushed my teeth this morning!

 I probably am a little overbearing and look at life a little bit differently than a 16 year old but my perspective is juuuuust a little bit of a contrast than hers!  I try to see the bigger picture; the college years, the finances and the future while Bailee sees...TODAY and possibly a hint of tomorrow! It most likely has to do with the fact that a 70 year old's future holds a bit precarious. 

 On the other hand, we have a 6 year old who is just entering first grade tomorrow as a seasoned student. This will be his 5th year in a school room setting.  He's pretty much over 1-2-3 and A-B-C! It takes time to write neatly and color in the lines so a priority for these tasks isn't in the cards...yet!  He was (actually, I was) filling out a a paper that his new teacher sent him to tell her a little about himself.  He likes math, his favorite subject however; is gym. His hope for 1st grade is that his teacher will like him....Seriously, who in their right mind wouldn't? (says his Grandma who believes he is the most handsome kid in 1st grade and a genius!) 

 Regardless of the decade of difference between my two grands, they both have the ability and potential to be a success. I may not get to see the finished product but I know the ingredients are there!  

The title is....."Entitled"!

 My favorite day of the week is Monday (as many of you know!)  A normal schedule resumes and life goes on....as hoped!

  Bailee and her grandfather returned from the National Trap Shooting Tourney in Michigan.  The kids did well but none of our four qualified.  There are some pretty awesome shooters throughout the country.  Lots of fun and lessons learned which leads me to believe that they, meaning Bailee, are capable of learning! 

  Today's teenagers are an odd group.  Normal families is/are an oxymoron.... This is a fact and not an assumption. Ours consists of an enabled 72 year old, a healing 43 year old, a pretentious 6 year old, an entitled 15 year old and an aging 70 year old trying to make a cohesive, functioning family from the preceding components.  It ain't easy!

  Circumstances surrounding each member are a story in itself.  Let's just take the teenager.......please. I ask for 4 small things from this person. From one who knows everything (being the child) and the other who knows nothing (being me,) these four asks should be relatively simple. They are not...obviously!

1. Make your bed  
2. Close your drawers
3. Keep your clothes off the floor
4. Verbalize your life without the F word...constantly and loudly

I understand that life is generational and I'm not in the latest one. In fact, I am so far removed, that these four tasks would never have to even be mentioned in my 1960s household. Not so much in 2022!  If I hear the words "what difference does it make" a few more times, I might likely have the big one!  Sadly, as I have penned before, I have lost the privilege of being a fun Grandma and I obviously haven't earned the status of  ruler of the governing body of this household.  Two things I cannot tolerate...lying and disrespect.  This statement yesterday ( from said teenager) says it all..."I don't show respect for you and you don't show respect for me!"  I'm still sorting this one out.  Respect must be earned...I get that. Even with age, I guess nobody is entitled to respect unless you've earned it. I must be failing on my end somewhere.  Now, on the subject of respecting teenagers....they must manage their emotions, set and achieve goals and earn that respect.... it's NOT a given!! Even if you've been dealt a bad hand, that doesn't entitle you a pass for being disrespectful. Walking on eggshells, not hurting feelings and letting rudeness pass has run its course here. Actions have consequences and I need to step up and deliver them... There should be no bail reform at EIEIO.... free to continue to commit your offense teaches nothing and only proves that this family court isn't doing their job!

Now that I have committed these thoughts to paper, it will be an entirely harder task to bring them to fruition. It's easier for me to make the bed, pick up the clothes, shut the drawers and disregard the F bombs but then I'm just as miserable albeit with a clean room! ... Let's see if I can walk the walk or if I'll continue to just talk the talk.... Pray for me ;-)🙏

Out of the Mouths

 A child's brain is an amazing organ.  One that, they say, consumes so much information from birth to age 4 that an adult's brain would burn out.  I love that you can actually see the wheels turning as they take in, process and retain what they see, hear and now (at age 6) read!  

  The other day Jett was telling us that when we die; Bailee, Papa Today, me and even his parents, he will visit our "riprocks" and bring us each a flower.  Riprock, you say? we did too...and then after listening intently, we realized he was remembering seeing a headstone at mini golf when they played last week.  To him, it was just a large rock and written in bold print was R I P...hence, the riprock.. One of my very favorite kidisms to date!

Earlier in the day, he had noticed a lingering hair on my upper lip that had been overlooked by my favorite, never to be misplaced or uncharged, aging women's tool...the mustache and chin plucker. He touched it carefully, contemplated his next remark very carefully for an unfiltered child of six and claimed I very closely resembled a catfish!!!  WTH.... 

The honesty and ability to be forthwith with his thoughts is something that brings me great joy. He is now old enough to know that occasionally, he should keep his thoughts to himself but seldom has the ability to do so.........much like his Grandma!♥

The Waiting Game!

 Never has patience been my strong suit.  I have learned, with age, to understand, to some degree, that I can't change much.  (did I need all those commas?)  After nearly seven decades, I know to take long deep breaths, trust that all will be well, pray and know that I can handle whatever the outcome of my waiting brings.  I tried typing those words and now I will try to live them!

Jeff is in Rochester for another procedure. You'd think I would handle them better each time but......Lee drove him there and I stayed back to get the kids off to school and comfortably go about my morning routine.  For old people, that's dressing without tipping over, coffee, breakfast, bathroom and these days "wordle!" Being competitive on the toilet is sometimes a challenge.  If I ever get it in two tries, I'll be happy I'm on the thrown as I will definitely #%@* ! Now everyone who reads my Wordle daily achievement will know where it was accomplished! Oh well!

Back to the virtue of patience. This morning I am hearing every tick of the clock so a little 60's Beach Boys is in order. Being home alone is usually a peaceful perk that seldom happens these days.  Today it's much too quiet.  With my phone close by, I will hum a few tunes, chat with Alexa and pass the hours till a phone call comes. It's hard to do all that with your fingers crossed but I'm getting better. Arthritis helps as most of my fingers are already bent in criss- cross fashion. 

Wish me luck, Wish Jeff luck and keep those amazing Doctors in your prayers.... They control so much...including my waiting game!

Soapy...or Sappy!

 I once thought how cool it would be to be "in" a soap opera!  Lately I've realized...I am!!! I used to think how awesome it would be to fall off a cliff and die and return a few years later, or have the ability and stamina to marry your father's brother's sister's niece's dad and have it be completely normal. Or possibly have your adopted child forfeit her ability to parent, move away, move back, get arrested and then decide to give it another try...with a completely new child.  "How twistedly normal would all that be," she said rhetorically!

Thankfully, in a soap opera these are just written words portrayed by second class actors (IMHO!)  In real life, they're the events that are the onset of gray hair, stress related illnesses, wrinkles and premature aging. Who doesn't want all that in their daily life!

In a soap, you can just turn off the boob tube and carry on with your everyday activities. Probably a second thought isn't given to anything you watched unless a friend asks what you thought about that day's episode and you hash over the what ifs!  With age comes wisdom, premature or otherwise and is one welcomed advantage. After the past 12 months, I am no longer blindsided by any event. The "you're supposed to(s)" are in the rearview mirror and no longer affect my thinking!  Fingers crossed that all (well, most) drama outside of the soaps affects me as much as the drama inside.  

The rules are actually quite simple:

• Love the ones who love you back
• Mind your own business
• Give second chances (only)
• Offer advice when asked and take it when needed
• Breathe, relax and carry on   

100 ....a very scary number!

 Today is Jett's 100th day of Kindergarten.  He's already wise beyond his years as this is actually his FOURTH year of "school!" Two years of pre-school, one year of Pre K and now K. He's top in his class. (his teacher actually said so and we knew it anyway;-)  He does math in his head, reads like a second grader and colors like a toddler.......Oh well, 2 outa three ain't bad!!!  We finally realized his coloring was mostly scribbled as recess depends on finishing your work.... She obviously never said to finish it neatly!  The attitude may change when they make him redo it next year to achieve recess time....

Last night he gave me a hug and shared that he was so sad for me........I questioned his sadness and found out he was sad because I was so old.  Then we were both sad!!!  Oh well, he's not wrong. Becoming a septuagenarian is not the most exciting milestone:-( The only saving grace is that most of my friends are already acclimated to the term and the rest are joining this year.  We are beginning to expect less of each and are tickled when we can remember past experiences and each other's names.  I got on my knees yesterday (rare occurrence) to dust under a table and was pretty sure I'd be there until someone came home. I finally rolled onto my side, grabbed the table leg, sat up, banged my head, cussed profusely and decided any reoccurring dust was there until my demise!  Such limitations I will learn to live with besides who the hell is ever under my table anyway?

My friend's Mom is literally GOING to be 100 in 2 days and my Mom would have been this year as well. I tried explaining that to Jett and he thought it was quite humorous...as is most every story I share. He practiced walking as an old man with back trouble but thought that wasn't the best way as an old man would most definitely fart a lot if he really walked in that position!!!   Once again, wise beyond his years.

I guess I'll just dress up as a 70 year old and accept the fact that the makeup is already applied...permanently!!!!

6 on 6

 Another birthday is in the books! Jett turned 6 on the 6th.  He had a party at his Mom's on Saturday and a little party here on his birthday!.  Aunt Kyle and Uncle Ray joined us for pizza and presents.  He loved everything...especially "the cash!"  (Ok, that's starting early)  He's a pretty good saver so hopefully he's on the right money train.

It sure seems that once the number 5 birthday is over, he becomes a little man. Kind of like going from 17- 18 and you're supposed to be a different person in that 24 hours...Nope...doesn't work that way. He still likes to snuggle, give kisses and hugs and tears are still near the surface for boo boos and hurt feelings! He did have his bed moved into a different room than Daddy's and he slept all night.  Just a little preemption (and practice) to sleeping away from Dad in their new house!

Kids back to school today after a 3 day week-end for Jett and a four day stint for B.  Water main break in the village for Thursday and our first snow day for Friday. They enjoyed that.. This year they are back to actual no school, no work snow days. During the peak of the pandemic, snow days became virtual days with work to be done! I never thought I would say this but I can't wait for Bailee to be finished with high school.:-(

Our college and "major" decisions will begin next year. I'm hoping that will be fun for us both.  I am looking forward to a good student who wants to go to college and understands the complexities of the process and the outcome.

Lee off to Florida this week.... MY vacation begins :-)

I'm Baaaaack!

 It's been a crazy few months with healthcare, grandcare, holidays and winter. Today is groundhog day and according to the movie, we keep reliving the time over and over again....."PLEASE GOD, NO!"  Today is actually sunny, about 20 degrees warmer than it has been for the past several weeks and the literal calm before the storm... Warnings and watches abound as we're expecting 6-12 inches of snow...Oh no!!!! Listen folks I'm at the end of my 70th year here on earth in this crazy, volatile, ambiguous state where anything can happen and usually does.  A foot of snow will neither panic me or slow me down..... well maybe slow me down a little. It's winter here in February and nobody should be surprised if it snows.  Snow actually beautifies what usually has become icy, dirty or too crappy to enjoy.  The kids will hope for a snow day, which actually has been restored to an absolute day off...no remote learning, just a stay in your jammies day or suit up and play in the white stuff.

Trying to catch you all up while I've been on sabbatical would take too long, too many words and stories that even I couldn't make up. Suffice it to say, It's been a long few months. Jeff has been gaining in strength, Bailee has been killing it in academics and Jett has been growing up too fast. He'll be 6 on Sunday!  Jeff is in the process of building a barndominium on his new land, Bailee is looking forward to her Junior year when she will be spending 11 days in Spain and Portugal and Jett will be getting settled in his new digs and organizing his Minecraft clubhouse. (no worries, I don't know what Minecraft is either.) As long as we all have things to look forward to, we're good!

Every day for me still comes filled with worries and "what may be" but I'm learning to live each day on its own merits and not invite or obsess about the future. Life literally will be what you make it with various hiccups along the way. When they arrive, I'll hold my breath or even drink out of the opposite side of the glass (what's in it is my business!) I have pledged to myself to write at least once a week or maybe more.  Quiet time is at a premium these days and I treasure it knowing it will change soon and I'll love that too. 

For now, Happy Winter, Happy 2-2-22, Happy Groundhog Day and I'll pen (or type) something insightful soon♥