Taking a Step...................Back

I'm a fixer....or at least I think I am.  I like to fix what's broken, stop something from breaking or harm the one who facilitated the break; kind of Olivia Pope-ish!  That all began back in 1979 around Valentine's Day!  It's kind of a gift while also being a huge cross to bear!  Having the means to fix the little things like scraped knees and broken toys was the easy part. Anguishing over failed projects and heart wrenching breakups is gut-wrenching and wrinkle inducing. With one child, it's a constant tug of war over whose life it is. Who knows best and who thinks with a level head.... That would be me.  With the other, it's a case of wanting a pain free life with the ability to give as much joy as I receive.
With one it's the open appreciation for the guidance, support and stability I have given.  For the other, it's often unappreciated financial and moral support with the ground rules I have set. That one is my mistake.  
If the situations only involved the children (mine), the rules would be drastically changed. Now, each game has a child involved and my strings are pulled tighter and my vision focused in their direction.   What I must remember is that these are NOT my children. I struggle with this daily and pray about it nightly.  I have managed to make a list (Thanks Dad) of the things I must work on....My Don't (Dwelling on negative things) list, if you will:

1. Don't use financial support to control my kids.......Guilty as sin!
2. Don't offer advice when it isn't requested......Then what the hell would we talk about!
3. Don't push a child in a career path that they don't like just because it pays well and provides stability......Why the hell not! DUH
4. Don't ask probing questions about their lives....How else will I know?
5. Don't overdo it..........I'm so dead with this one!
6. Don't judge everything their mate does.........or doesn't do.....or does pathetically wrong..  Bury me!

So basically I'm intelligent enough to know what the heck I'm doing wrong and stupid enough to not fight my way past it. The answer most likely lays in the the premise of asking for permission to provide advice.   That would mean I would have to respect their answer...regardless. If they prefer to work through it without my seasoned opinion, I'm not sure what I'd do.  I was always taught two things; there are NO stupid questions and never ask a question for which you don't know the answer.
Minding my own business might alleviate the problem!  
Well, that only took 64 years!