The Talk

"It's always time for "The Talk"!  That's what the gals say on the afternoon talk show. With kids, The talk is usually about the birds and bees.  After last night with Bailee, I realized The Talk was of larger proportions. It all began when she decided she'd better get busy and get her letter written to Santa.  After all, there were only nine days left till Christmas, yesterday's mail had "gone", and really he needed to have it before Christmas Eve...... (WAY before Christmas eve if there was a prayer for him to even locate ( I mean construct) half of these requests.
First, we talked about not just asking for things (toys, etc.)  She mentioned she'd like some snow, she's a cold weather girl!  She wanted him to bring something nice for her cousin Jett.. (That warmed my heart) and she wanted her Mom to not be so grumpy and "distressed!"  I explained that Santa could only do so much and wasn't a miracle worker. (Ha - she has a bit of my sense of humor so she got that.)  I said there are some things that Santa can't do that we have to ask the guy "up there" (pointing up) to help us with. She said, "OH YOU MEAN PAPA?!"  ...............................I guess our "TALK" needs to be less about the Birds and the Bees and more about The big G!  That might be a whole lot tougher then the sex talk.  I'm pretty much a hypocritical Christian.  I have faithfully said my prayers since I was able to advance from "Now I Lay me Down to Sleep" to "Our Father Who Art in Heaven"....60+ years.  Way too many times, he hasn't been a very good listener....but I keep asking.  We're not church goers!  We try to be believers! It's a lot to ask. So, teaching it is even harder... Kind of like a Common Core lesson.. Most of it makes no sense but we're hoping we'll learn a little something......someday....even if it isn't the way we're used to learning. Hard to teach something though when your whole heart isn't into the lesson.  (Poor teachers) :-(  We made a little progress and the talk went well.... but soon turned back to , "The Letter!"

Bailee settled in to actually pen her requests and this was the finished product!  Needless to say, Sandy Claus weeded out the unnecessary, sorted out the bizarre and once again showed her unending appreciation to the folks at Amazon.  For those who might need a bit of interpretation:
1. A 4 wheeler....not
2. A mustache garden   .....WTF...she'd like them growing so she would have a "fresh, new one every day") Told her to wait till she was 60 and she'd be good to go!
3. Minecraft Legos ...check
4. Minecraft Storymode for PS3....check
5. Zombie Apocolypse Survival Kit ....it exists and Amazon had it...WTF
6. All the Star Wars movies.....Grandma already had and just needs to re-wrap in Santa paper......check
7. Unicorn Apocolypse Survival Kit......NFW
8. Ghost           "                   "         "........now we've hit, bizare!
9. Prank Master Kit......not
10. Something for my cousin Jett.....♥almost re-thought the 4 wheeler but regained my composure and sanity.
11. A CSI briefcase......Guess what? I have Great Grandpa Hewitt's and that will be a treat to gift...
12. Beginner Spy Kit
13. Master Spy Kit..... I questioned beginner and master.... "I'm a quick learner!!"
14. Mason Jars.....didn't think mustache garden could be trumped...I was wrong. " I want to fart in each jar, put the top on and open them in front of people I don't really like!" WTF
15. Snow for Christmas... I wholeheartedly concurred!!!!!!!!!
16. A tracking device...."to keep an eye on the girl that always hits me" :-(
17. (my fav)  A lifetime supply of CLONE.. (mens).... translation is cologne and she much prefers men's to women's! I'm not really sure what to think of that.  It could go in the direction of Heidi Fliess............................or Caitlyn Jenner...I think I'll just get her a bottle of "Let it go!"