Well, my worst nightmare is in full swing and unfortunately, I'm wide awake. I can handle the ones in my sleep where I'm crawling across the road and traffic is coming, I can "dream" through the ones where I still can't remember my locker combination and I'm chastised for the millionth time that this is the last time they will give it to me and I can even plod through having my teeth crumble and fall out....but this is more than I can stomach.
Bailee is gone....she chose to go with a mother who left her behind with no notice, no hug, and no good-bye. I get it..it's her mother....it's also a mother who chose a man over her daughter, sold the only home she had ever known and left her behind. I seriously believe it's the same dilemma battered wives have as they continue to live with abusive men in the worst of situations.
But...this is a 13-year-old mind, which by the way, is far superior to other household members. This girl's emotions have been toyed with for over 3 years...actually 13 as she lived through the trauma of an abusive father, spoke up in court and was victorious in her adolescent rights to not see him. All this girl has ever wanted is "to be a priority in her (Mom) life and live a normal life!" Not too much for a child to ask! She stated so many times that she just wanted everyone to be happy and if she made one happy, someone else was sad. Who puts a child in that situation?
Now, the situation is this. She is 1300 miles away in a city where she knows no one but her mother and her boyfriend. She is living with 7 other people, she has no bedroom, no personal items, and no bed!!! There is no family nearby in case of emergency and believe me the "help calls" have been many when she was 2 minutes away! She is going to a new school, wearing a uniform, riding a bus and meeting new teachers who have no handle on the situation and many overly-tanned classmates. I pray her judgment is intact on who to trust and who to avoid...I have NEVER been so fearful for her well being.
Possibly the scariest words were when I said to her mother, "Please take good care of her," and her reply was...."We will Mom, she's with us!" I know:-(
Blogging drama...sorry folks:-(
Tuesday, October 1, 2019
Thursday, September 26, 2019
Today's the day!
I am NOT a whiner! I abhor drama! I firmly dislike anyone who airs their private challenges on any social media and today I'm a hypocrite!
Yesterday was "National Daughter's Day" declared someone, somewhere! Face Book was stormed by loving parental wishes and cozy, heart-warming photos. I cringed with jealousy at each one. They say you can't choose your family. Wrong! I chose mine and got the highs and lows. I am embarrassed to call her my daughter. There, I've said it. She is weak and has little regard for anything or anyone but her worthless, deadbeat boyfriend. I've heard others talk about their children and their choices. I've wondered how anyone could feel that way about their child much less say it openly. I get it! Loud and clear.
My child, who's actually a 37-year-old adult, sold her home (the only home my granddaughter has ever known,) quit her job and left the state without a goodbye, without leaving any forwarding information, without leaving an insurance card for her child, signing a guardianship agreement with a provision that she "WOULD PAY NO SUPPORT and never contacted her until she finally answered a message from her daughter weeks later.
Now, a call from Mom and OD (short for overdose) has them filling her head with pictures of sandy beaches, ocean waves, warm temperatures and a life of peace and frivolity. SO...who wants to be with Mom, despite the baggage of a dirtball bf who has hauled you from sleep in the middle of the night to buy drugs, brought you along to buy pot, told tales of possibly murdering someone....twice and has declared 3 times ( in hearings) that he has a disability and he can't work.....no car, no license, no job (although brags of one now!..Wait, he told NY courts that he was disabled!!)
So, let's take a bright, almost teen from a positive, structured environment with people who love her and want only the best for her and take her to the "sunshine state" where...when the money stops flowing, will be exactly in the same situation they've always been in.........only 1300 miles away. This rescue mission has been an unmitigated failure and is O-V-E-R! I am old, tired and sad but someone wise once told me that you can't fix stupid. Wise indeed!!
Yesterday was "National Daughter's Day" declared someone, somewhere! Face Book was stormed by loving parental wishes and cozy, heart-warming photos. I cringed with jealousy at each one. They say you can't choose your family. Wrong! I chose mine and got the highs and lows. I am embarrassed to call her my daughter. There, I've said it. She is weak and has little regard for anything or anyone but her worthless, deadbeat boyfriend. I've heard others talk about their children and their choices. I've wondered how anyone could feel that way about their child much less say it openly. I get it! Loud and clear.
My child, who's actually a 37-year-old adult, sold her home (the only home my granddaughter has ever known,) quit her job and left the state without a goodbye, without leaving any forwarding information, without leaving an insurance card for her child, signing a guardianship agreement with a provision that she "WOULD PAY NO SUPPORT and never contacted her until she finally answered a message from her daughter weeks later.
Now, a call from Mom and OD (short for overdose) has them filling her head with pictures of sandy beaches, ocean waves, warm temperatures and a life of peace and frivolity. SO...who wants to be with Mom, despite the baggage of a dirtball bf who has hauled you from sleep in the middle of the night to buy drugs, brought you along to buy pot, told tales of possibly murdering someone....twice and has declared 3 times ( in hearings) that he has a disability and he can't work.....no car, no license, no job (although brags of one now!..Wait, he told NY courts that he was disabled!!)
So, let's take a bright, almost teen from a positive, structured environment with people who love her and want only the best for her and take her to the "sunshine state" where...when the money stops flowing, will be exactly in the same situation they've always been in.........only 1300 miles away. This rescue mission has been an unmitigated failure and is O-V-E-R! I am old, tired and sad but someone wise once told me that you can't fix stupid. Wise indeed!!
Wednesday, September 25, 2019
Seriously, you look fine!
I just don't get the whole big deal about how you look!!! I understand it's great to be clean and neat and have your hair combed and your teeth brushed. I understand the premise that if you look good you feel good and vice versa! But I can tell you unequivocally, we DON'T need to see your photo in the bathroom mirror.....all the time. That is purely a narcissistic obsession. I also don't understand the need to erase your face and paint on a new one. Obviously, I'm not a makeup aficionado,,shocker...but I, for the life of me, can't understand why girls erase the eyebrows and draw on new ones. I had someone say sarcastically, to someone else not long ago, "Nice sneakers"...I wanted to turn and say, "Nice eyebrows!" I can see highlighting them a tad if you're a blond and have light brows or possible snipping a few follicles if you have a uni brow....but a whole new color and shape is stupid and quite frankly a waste of time. Do they really think that enhances their beauty???? My hairdresser often says, "Can I trim some of those long, gray hairs in your brows?" I laugh and agree and am thankful they aren't growing out of my nose or chin.....I guess that's the difference in a 20-30 something regime and a 60-70 regime. Honestly, I'm exhausted after washing my face and brushing my teeth. If the lips get a hint of color, it's in the car and on the way to the funeral or wedding!
Vanity has always been something I kept my sink in and never, ever a virtue I was born with. What you see is what you get....Most likely it won't improve with age so take a look at your girlfriend's Mom and Grandma and see if you think you can handle sleeping with that down the road. Think of all the extra time you could have enjoying life rather than changing what your mirror sees. Seriously, you look fine!
Vanity has always been something I kept my sink in and never, ever a virtue I was born with. What you see is what you get....Most likely it won't improve with age so take a look at your girlfriend's Mom and Grandma and see if you think you can handle sleeping with that down the road. Think of all the extra time you could have enjoying life rather than changing what your mirror sees. Seriously, you look fine!
Thursday, September 5, 2019
She's off!!!
Last, first day of eighth grade for Miss Bailee. Last night's Open House and orientation was great. Some new faces, some older faces but all were smiling faces. Her year will be jam-packed and full of interesting, albeit tough courses. She's taking regents Bio and Algebra! You go, girl... Last year ended on a bit of a rocky note but all was "fixed and completed" and she's in Advanced math and science again. New teachers in Spanish, Bio and Algebra but a great homeroom teacher and motivator is still there! I know she will be successful😉 and I've thrown in a few motivators myself.
This is a big year culminating with a graduation (bridging) ceremony to high school and a class trip to Washington, D.C. I'm a little jealous as I think my favorite class trip.....60+ years ago, was to the Shriner's Circus where I took pictures of Michael Landon and sold them to my classmates. There was an entrepreneurial bone in my little body somewhere!!!
Life certainly was different then. Teachers in their shirts, ties and dresses (although 2 teachers last night wore ties...I was impressed) and we weren't allowed to wear shorts. Phones are allowed in school anytime but during actual teaching times. Our cords didn't quite reach that far. Kids today have 2 beautiful schools to spend their 13+ years in and each is given a laptop computer to use. I went to 5 different buldings in my 13 years! The new STEM classroom even has FIVE brand new, state of the art 3D printers. I was giddy when our teachers wheeled in the AV cart with an overhead projector. No more dusty blackboards or assigned eraser cleanings... Prometheus boards have taken their place and just a tap of a finger brings them to life. WOW!
These technological advances are just every day for these kids. The world is certainly their oyster and they can/will go as far as their ambition takes them. I hope they know how very lucky they are and take advantage of every single resource.
I still have a modicum of disappointment as many still do not (and won't ever) know the beauty in cursive, correct grammar and punctuation skills and where Mongolia is but I guess if they need to know, they can Google it. If Alexa doesn't know, or Siri doesn't know....ask Grandma! She knows everything!!!
This is a big year culminating with a graduation (bridging) ceremony to high school and a class trip to Washington, D.C. I'm a little jealous as I think my favorite class trip.....60+ years ago, was to the Shriner's Circus where I took pictures of Michael Landon and sold them to my classmates. There was an entrepreneurial bone in my little body somewhere!!!
Life certainly was different then. Teachers in their shirts, ties and dresses (although 2 teachers last night wore ties...I was impressed) and we weren't allowed to wear shorts. Phones are allowed in school anytime but during actual teaching times. Our cords didn't quite reach that far. Kids today have 2 beautiful schools to spend their 13+ years in and each is given a laptop computer to use. I went to 5 different buldings in my 13 years! The new STEM classroom even has FIVE brand new, state of the art 3D printers. I was giddy when our teachers wheeled in the AV cart with an overhead projector. No more dusty blackboards or assigned eraser cleanings... Prometheus boards have taken their place and just a tap of a finger brings them to life. WOW!
These technological advances are just every day for these kids. The world is certainly their oyster and they can/will go as far as their ambition takes them. I hope they know how very lucky they are and take advantage of every single resource.
I still have a modicum of disappointment as many still do not (and won't ever) know the beauty in cursive, correct grammar and punctuation skills and where Mongolia is but I guess if they need to know, they can Google it. If Alexa doesn't know, or Siri doesn't know....ask Grandma! She knows everything!!!
Monday, August 19, 2019
Peace (and quiet)
Seriously, that's all I want at this stage of my existence. I want to distance myself from drama and chaos and I don't want to be a factor of either. I could live alone in a room with windows, a fridge, TV, my Kindle, and a toilet! That sounds a lot like a nursing home room (sans the fridge.) I don't want a roommate! I prefer to smell my own excrement! I could live in my little cottage behind the house and be quite content. Of course, if I no longer know my name...or yours, I may need someone to randomly check on me, take out the garbage and replenish my supply of toilet paper. I'm hoping I'll be friendly when you pop in and not throw a can of Vienna sausages at you or shoot you with my Nerf gun. A real gun would be as useless as the letter "H" in yeah! I'm a horrible shot and even at short distances have been known to have squirrels on a feeder in stitches.
Until the time that this scenario becomes a reality, I am content reading, planning for the next holiday or birthday, watching mindless television and laughing with friends wherever we go. I enjoy my grandkids and I hope I contribute, even minutely, to their knowledge and well-being! I do enjoy my own schedule but generally, adapt to things changing... as long as it doesn't interrupt my football! On Sundays at noon...don't call or stop in...just plain don't do it! If you're having a party or gathering that you would enjoy me attending, do it on a Saturday. I'm flexible for college ball!
Soon it will be fall and my favorite time of the year will be upon us. Most folks like spring with all things being re-born....nope not me.. I'm the crotchety old lady that enjoys the crumpling leaves and the colors associated, welcomes the chillier weather and wraps her Christmas presents in September. I like the peace of kids back in school and the quiet of living at EIEIO. I really don't ask for much!
Until the time that this scenario becomes a reality, I am content reading, planning for the next holiday or birthday, watching mindless television and laughing with friends wherever we go. I enjoy my grandkids and I hope I contribute, even minutely, to their knowledge and well-being! I do enjoy my own schedule but generally, adapt to things changing... as long as it doesn't interrupt my football! On Sundays at noon...don't call or stop in...just plain don't do it! If you're having a party or gathering that you would enjoy me attending, do it on a Saturday. I'm flexible for college ball!
Soon it will be fall and my favorite time of the year will be upon us. Most folks like spring with all things being re-born....nope not me.. I'm the crotchety old lady that enjoys the crumpling leaves and the colors associated, welcomes the chillier weather and wraps her Christmas presents in September. I like the peace of kids back in school and the quiet of living at EIEIO. I really don't ask for much!
Tuesday, August 6, 2019
Overdue
Yep...way past my usual blogging hiatus. I seriously need to pen my thoughts but not sure the world wants to hear them. Not even my closest pals need to be depressed along with me and believe you me, you'd be depressed!
I read somewhere once where some animals eat their young. I get it!!!! When you have children, you virtually agree to give up your "way of life" for them. You especially do that when you sign a paper and agree to love, educate, instill goodness and kindness and protect them! I have always jockeyed around the ideas and ideals of nurture versus nature. Let me just explain that they both suck. I did my best at the nurture part as the nature part was predestined.... or so I thought. I have proof positive that you learn what you live BUT......................when you change environments, that can drastically change too. You're learning new stuff so you adapt to your surroundings and those within it! (Not always a good thing!)
I could write a book! In fact, I think I will begin to write some tales in the very near future. It won't be a bestseller or a how-to! It probably won't be a work of fiction because truly folks, you can't make this shit up! Stay tuned and I may possibly throw a few excerpts your way.... that is if I don't throw them all AWAY!
My journals alone, if not burned at my demise, will definitely leave my family (or friends) shaking their heads. I hope they love me now because I'm pretty sure they'll scorn me when I'm gone!
Stay tuned!
I read somewhere once where some animals eat their young. I get it!!!! When you have children, you virtually agree to give up your "way of life" for them. You especially do that when you sign a paper and agree to love, educate, instill goodness and kindness and protect them! I have always jockeyed around the ideas and ideals of nurture versus nature. Let me just explain that they both suck. I did my best at the nurture part as the nature part was predestined.... or so I thought. I have proof positive that you learn what you live BUT......................when you change environments, that can drastically change too. You're learning new stuff so you adapt to your surroundings and those within it! (Not always a good thing!)
I could write a book! In fact, I think I will begin to write some tales in the very near future. It won't be a bestseller or a how-to! It probably won't be a work of fiction because truly folks, you can't make this shit up! Stay tuned and I may possibly throw a few excerpts your way.... that is if I don't throw them all AWAY!
My journals alone, if not burned at my demise, will definitely leave my family (or friends) shaking their heads. I hope they love me now because I'm pretty sure they'll scorn me when I'm gone!
Stay tuned!
Monday, June 10, 2019
So long since..........
So long since I've blogged...My mind has run out of storage. my data is maxed out and I'm running on safety mode for charging. I always thought that my senior years would be relaxing, uneventful and maybe even a tad boring... Not!
I'm tired, stressed, grumpier than usual and sad. A whole lot of things I don't want to be and I'm having trouble controlling. Life was so much easier when you could tell your kids what to do, when to do it and why it was important. As adults, at least physically, they are less steerable! I still believe it's my responsibility to be their GPS (Guiding Parental Stimulation!) One listens, learns and appreciates. One rebels, rejects and ignores! So many roads to travel with no destination ahead. I will continue to do what I can for those who appreciate and be there for the littles who may be lost along the way. My heart breaks for the troubled journey that each will endure but I may just go off my beaten path and take a few side trips for myself.
Happy trails to me!!
I'm tired, stressed, grumpier than usual and sad. A whole lot of things I don't want to be and I'm having trouble controlling. Life was so much easier when you could tell your kids what to do, when to do it and why it was important. As adults, at least physically, they are less steerable! I still believe it's my responsibility to be their GPS (Guiding Parental Stimulation!) One listens, learns and appreciates. One rebels, rejects and ignores! So many roads to travel with no destination ahead. I will continue to do what I can for those who appreciate and be there for the littles who may be lost along the way. My heart breaks for the troubled journey that each will endure but I may just go off my beaten path and take a few side trips for myself.
Happy trails to me!!
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