The Notebook

Each visit to the Groton Community Health Care Facility.....aka the Nursing Home, gets tougher and tougher. A few days ago Jess, Bailee and I ventured off to visit Grandma.  She was "parked" right by the door playing with an empty box about 3ft. x 1 ft.  I walked up to her and said, "Good morning!" Her silent reply was the blankest, emptiest stare to date.  Each week she seems to slip farther and farther away....and I have no idea where she is:-(  Physically she's probably more fit than I!  The very saddest part of this disease is we have no way to know what she's thinking.  Occasionally a word is spoken clearly enough to grasp but generally it's all gibberish.  Sometimes she even laughs after speaking in her "foreign" tongue so I'm hoping that whatever she's thinking is funny!! I'm not sure if I selfishly think it more for me or for her.  She seldom appears unhappy which is a good thing.....again maybe more for me than for her:-(  She's certainly not surrounded by upbeat, healthy geriatric cronies but hey, it IS a nursing home.  She is very well cared for, eats as best she can (no longer with utensils) and is encouraged to join in what social aspects are available. She LOVES music and I believe, in her head, she knows the melodies, the words and associates (way back) with the time she sang them.  A year ago she belted out the words of Dark Town Strutter's Ball... a song her Dad would sing to her and then she to us and she loved Onward Christian Soldiers, as did we! It would be a Sunday hymn and she would belt out the tune (as we (the 4 of us) would stop singing and she would be the loudest ....and worst singer in the pew!  I can only hope that as she hears these tunes, her smiles are of these fun times and not just empty tunes.  It seems a very unfair way to end your lifetime adventure.  At least for Mom, she's gone full circle.  She's back to the days of childhood in the majority of her actions. I pray that wherever she is, it is (or was) a very good time for her.  I also wish she could crawl into bed, say goodnight to Dad and peacefully sleep..much like the Notebook...If only it were that easy!