My Mom always taught me that it was kind, courteous and politically correct (etiquette-wise) to thank folks for gifts, kind deeds and often just words. She also explained that putting written thank yous in newspapers and local shoppers was tawdry and unacceptable (her values). If you felt the need to thank someone, you should write a hand written note expressing your feelings. I have written my notes, doled out my hugs and told all of those folks how much I genuinely appreciated their kind expressions of sympathy. I did not; however, write a thank you to all who so caringly sent me a card or a note after Mom passed. I received many♥!! Most everyone who sent a card, called, texted, or posted knew Mom's diagnosis of Alzheimer's and her struggle the past few years. It seems nearly everyone is touched in some way by this debilitating disease. Her progression over the past couple of years made this last step for her....a blessing!
Now this is where we might part company. Family is who you choose to be closest to you. In hindsight, I probably did not spend as much time with Mom in these last two years as I should have. She had not recognized us (those who visited) in a very long time. The past year I probably got to glance into her beautiful blue eyes maybe twice!!!!! The rest of the time she would sit in her chair, head hanging down, sleeping. Who she knew, what she thought, where she was, I have no idea...no one does. That's the tragedy of this disease. Physical diseases can be monitored or tested, Alzheimer's cannot. I knew from the last few times she spoke that she was back to her late childhood or early adulthood. When she would tell me that Daddy was coming down the hall, it was her Daddy, not mine. She couldn't speak in coherent sentences but she could belt out the words and tune to Darktown Strutter's Ball, a song her Dad and Grandpa used to sing to her.! The last time we were in the car together, she wondered who the men in the backseat were that we'd just picked up from the airport. I told her we had thought they were very handsome so we were bringing them home with us. She liked that......a lot! ( actually, we had just been at her Dr.'s)
So, I guess this blog is written today to appease Mom in the etiquette department, thank those who sent cards, notes and expressions of sympathy, and remind folks who are having their own "senior experiences" to surround yourself with those who understand and truly care about YOU.... (these folks may not be related to you!) If you're lucky enough to have these folks by your side, be thankful. If you're also lucky enough to have friends (or family) to share the responsibilities, be appreciative and remember that not all people have the ability to step up. No matter how many siblings are in your family, eldercare may not be their forte. I, too, knew I could not care for Mom at home. I was able to make decisions in her best interest, see that her needs were met, her finances were handled and her health monitored. There is always someone who has been through what you have questions about. With today's technology, answers and support are out there....you just need to ask. Most every county has an Office of the Aging, call them. If you're looking for nursing home care.......... visit each one, find folks who have had loved ones there and ask questions. I will say that finding a Good Nursing Home is an oxymoron....but there are some that are better than others. Do your homework way before the test. Be educated, be prepared and be confident that you have done your very best. I am♥
No comments:
Post a Comment