My Mom always taught me that it was kind, courteous and politically correct (etiquette-wise) to thank folks for gifts, kind deeds and often just words. She also explained that putting written thank yous in newspapers and local shoppers was tawdry and unacceptable (her values). If you felt the need to thank someone, you should write a hand written note expressing your feelings. I have written my notes, doled out my hugs and told all of those folks how much I genuinely appreciated their kind expressions of sympathy. I did not; however, write a thank you to all who so caringly sent me a card or a note after Mom passed. I received many♥!! Most everyone who sent a card, called, texted, or posted knew Mom's diagnosis of Alzheimer's and her struggle the past few years. It seems nearly everyone is touched in some way by this debilitating disease. Her progression over the past couple of years made this last step for her....a blessing!
Now this is where we might part company. Family is who you choose to be closest to you. In hindsight, I probably did not spend as much time with Mom in these last two years as I should have. She had not recognized us (those who visited) in a very long time. The past year I probably got to glance into her beautiful blue eyes maybe twice!!!!! The rest of the time she would sit in her chair, head hanging down, sleeping. Who she knew, what she thought, where she was, I have no idea...no one does. That's the tragedy of this disease. Physical diseases can be monitored or tested, Alzheimer's cannot. I knew from the last few times she spoke that she was back to her late childhood or early adulthood. When she would tell me that Daddy was coming down the hall, it was her Daddy, not mine. She couldn't speak in coherent sentences but she could belt out the words and tune to Darktown Strutter's Ball, a song her Dad and Grandpa used to sing to her.! The last time we were in the car together, she wondered who the men in the backseat were that we'd just picked up from the airport. I told her we had thought they were very handsome so we were bringing them home with us. She liked that......a lot! ( actually, we had just been at her Dr.'s)
So, I guess this blog is written today to appease Mom in the etiquette department, thank those who sent cards, notes and expressions of sympathy, and remind folks who are having their own "senior experiences" to surround yourself with those who understand and truly care about YOU.... (these folks may not be related to you!) If you're lucky enough to have these folks by your side, be thankful. If you're also lucky enough to have friends (or family) to share the responsibilities, be appreciative and remember that not all people have the ability to step up. No matter how many siblings are in your family, eldercare may not be their forte. I, too, knew I could not care for Mom at home. I was able to make decisions in her best interest, see that her needs were met, her finances were handled and her health monitored. There is always someone who has been through what you have questions about. With today's technology, answers and support are out there....you just need to ask. Most every county has an Office of the Aging, call them. If you're looking for nursing home care.......... visit each one, find folks who have had loved ones there and ask questions. I will say that finding a Good Nursing Home is an oxymoron....but there are some that are better than others. Do your homework way before the test. Be educated, be prepared and be confident that you have done your very best. I am♥
Thursday, June 29, 2017
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Graduation... grade 5?
I remember when Jeff's Junior Prom was in view... Everyone was buying fancy dresses (not Jeff,) ordering tuxedos and renting limos. Jeff was on the shit list of his pals...(or maybe it was their mothers) because he had no desire to spend his (or my) money frivolously! I was impressed with his decision, others were not. This meant that by simple division, the others would have to pay more....sorry :-( His comment, at the tender age of 17, was, "What will I have to look forward to if I do it all now!"
Fast forward 21 years. Last week Bailee graduated from 5th grade....seriously? Several years ago, against my objections which literally meant nothing, the powers that be decided it would be a great idea to move the 6th grade to the Middle School (high school bldg.) These children still can't decide if they want to pull pig tails or pranks, use iPads or mini pads or frolic or flirt. One thing they don't want to do is write silly notes in cursive....because they were never taught!!!!!! Anyway, that's another whole gripe.
These days, there are ceremonies for graduating from preschool, Kindergarten, 5th grade, 8th grade and then high school. Ceremonies, programs, awards, music, celebrations every few years sure take the excitement out of graduation..... Which in my day, nearly 50 years ago, was a pretty big accomplishment rewarded with earned pomp and circumstance. If you've already had four, it becomes old hat! Kind of like a limo for the Junior Prom.
We have truly become a society of reward. If you pee in the potty, you're rewarded, if you learn to ride your bike, you're rewarded, if you pass your Regents, you're rewarded and if you get your driver's license, you're rewarded. everyone gets a ribbon at the Science Fair, all get trophies for soccer, certificates were given to each baseball player and awards were given for being kind.......really? To the extreme, college students are given days off and pizza when they become so troubled over the recent presidential election that they can no longer function without therapy. I'm pretty sure that one of these Halloweens, everyone will be donning their pussy costumes.... after all, that's what we're promoting.
I am not purporting that we raise military trained kids but rather respectful ones who don't need a reward for completing a test or running to first base! Kindness should have a self reward that needs no certificate. Verbal congratulations and encouragement throughout the year should be common place in education and pride in your work should be the unseen trophy. Teaching respect and responsibility while not teaching grammar and cursive seems a juxtaposition of responsibilities.
5th Grade graduation was nice but unnecessary. Hopefully their sights will be set on HS graduation while making themselves good listeners, kind classmates, respectful students and ambassadors for successful adults. They will soon be our doctors, lawyers, plumbers, electricians, accountants and caretakers......and they will be rewarded with what they have learned.....and so will we!
soccer, certificates are handed out for being kind
Fast forward 21 years. Last week Bailee graduated from 5th grade....seriously? Several years ago, against my objections which literally meant nothing, the powers that be decided it would be a great idea to move the 6th grade to the Middle School (high school bldg.) These children still can't decide if they want to pull pig tails or pranks, use iPads or mini pads or frolic or flirt. One thing they don't want to do is write silly notes in cursive....because they were never taught!!!!!! Anyway, that's another whole gripe.
These days, there are ceremonies for graduating from preschool, Kindergarten, 5th grade, 8th grade and then high school. Ceremonies, programs, awards, music, celebrations every few years sure take the excitement out of graduation..... Which in my day, nearly 50 years ago, was a pretty big accomplishment rewarded with earned pomp and circumstance. If you've already had four, it becomes old hat! Kind of like a limo for the Junior Prom.
We have truly become a society of reward. If you pee in the potty, you're rewarded, if you learn to ride your bike, you're rewarded, if you pass your Regents, you're rewarded and if you get your driver's license, you're rewarded. everyone gets a ribbon at the Science Fair, all get trophies for soccer, certificates were given to each baseball player and awards were given for being kind.......really? To the extreme, college students are given days off and pizza when they become so troubled over the recent presidential election that they can no longer function without therapy. I'm pretty sure that one of these Halloweens, everyone will be donning their pussy costumes.... after all, that's what we're promoting.
I am not purporting that we raise military trained kids but rather respectful ones who don't need a reward for completing a test or running to first base! Kindness should have a self reward that needs no certificate. Verbal congratulations and encouragement throughout the year should be common place in education and pride in your work should be the unseen trophy. Teaching respect and responsibility while not teaching grammar and cursive seems a juxtaposition of responsibilities.
5th Grade graduation was nice but unnecessary. Hopefully their sights will be set on HS graduation while making themselves good listeners, kind classmates, respectful students and ambassadors for successful adults. They will soon be our doctors, lawyers, plumbers, electricians, accountants and caretakers......and they will be rewarded with what they have learned.....and so will we!
soccer, certificates are handed out for being kind
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
Top Ten....or more
Face Book has it's slew of interesting (and sometimes downright ridiculous) advice and info. The other day there was a top ten list of regrets you don't want to have in your old age. Here they are:
I have a couple of other regrets that are best left untold. Some could still be rectified but to the good of the whole, better just left as is!
Fortunately, I have never had the stress of not saying what I think or doing what I should. I have some disappointments but they have little to do with regrets.....we all do. Life is short and looking back won't help now. I impart what little wisdom I have and hope that those within earshot listen. That I do not regret!
- Not playing with your children (I'm still playing with them 35 years later...the games are different and so are the rules)
- Working too much (I'm safe)
- Afraid to say I love you. (I have NEVER said those words to anyone who hasn't earned them....never.... and I say them daily to kids, grands and friends I adore!)
- Caring about what others think..... (really good to go on that one)
- Never taking risks (Possibly negligible risks as a teenager and financial ones as a young adult)
- Bad relationships (guilty of a few.. learning experiences..some much longer than others)
- Not traveling (Travel has never been a priority on my bucket list. I like home!)
- Not spending time with parents (wish I had had more)
- Not quitting (I generally knew when to quit and when to hang in there..... this is a toughie)
- Realizing your beauty (Ehh... Beauty was never an important thing to me.... I'll take intelligence and humor over beauty any day)
I have a couple of other regrets that are best left untold. Some could still be rectified but to the good of the whole, better just left as is!
Fortunately, I have never had the stress of not saying what I think or doing what I should. I have some disappointments but they have little to do with regrets.....we all do. Life is short and looking back won't help now. I impart what little wisdom I have and hope that those within earshot listen. That I do not regret!
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Who will remember?
It's been a long, few years and an even longer few days. Mom began the final steps of her journey two weeks ago. It began with what was thought to be a tummy bug and ended up being the brain's miscommunication with many of her day to day "internal conversations!" No swallowing on Wednesday and therefor no nutrition and hydration. Comfort care began in earnest that day. The days passed, day one, two, three, four, five, six. seven..... Then on day eight, the Cheyne-Stokes (rapid breathing for several seconds followed by many seconds of apnea) breathing began. Everyone said this would begin the final hours. Not for this ole gal... three full days and nights! A hospice nurse I contacted asked me Mom's age. I replied, "95." She explained that in her experience, the older they were, the harder they fought. They didn't get to be that old accidentally. After all, her Mom nearly made 102.
Good byes had been said, gentle allowances had been given to make the trip, great grands had snuggled and kissed her and the adults had explained that the bar was open in heaven and happy hour was under way....She still hung on till she was ready..... what a strong body kept lost memories physically alive!
I went home that night knowing the phone would ring. I awakened at around 2:10 and about 2:20 the phone rang. She'd made the trip on her own time and was resting more comfortably than in many years. I asked the nurse the time of death...... 2:10 a.m.! No tears, they were all shed throughout the past 5 years and especially the past 10 days.
Yesterday we laid her quietly and snugly between Steve and Dad surrounded by those who loved her most. It was a good day ♥
Good byes had been said, gentle allowances had been given to make the trip, great grands had snuggled and kissed her and the adults had explained that the bar was open in heaven and happy hour was under way....She still hung on till she was ready..... what a strong body kept lost memories physically alive!
I went home that night knowing the phone would ring. I awakened at around 2:10 and about 2:20 the phone rang. She'd made the trip on her own time and was resting more comfortably than in many years. I asked the nurse the time of death...... 2:10 a.m.! No tears, they were all shed throughout the past 5 years and especially the past 10 days.
Yesterday we laid her quietly and snugly between Steve and Dad surrounded by those who loved her most. It was a good day ♥
LOCKE — Virginia Tice Hewitt passed away peacefully on June 1, 2017 at the Groton Community Health Care Center in Groton, N.Y., at the end of a long journey with Alzheimer’s.
Virginia (Ginnie) was born April 21, 1922, and recently celebrated her 95th birthday. She was born in Auburn, N.Y. where she spent her early years. As the Depression set in, her dad, Neil Tice, closed his jewelry store and moved his family to Moravia, N.Y. He opened the first liquor store in the village where it continues to thrive today. Ginnie graduated from Moravia High School and continued her education at the Auburn School of Nursing where she was pinned and received her registered nursing credentials. In 1943, she married her husband of 63 years, Gordon (Buzz) Hewitt. After settling in Locke, N.Y., they raised three children and operated Hewitt Brothers Incorporated until December of 2006.
Ginnie loved golfing at Owasco Country Club, summering at Overbrook on Owasco Lake, wintering in the Florida sunshine, and enjoying every season of football, baseball, and golf in her “perch!”
She was predeceased by her parents, Ruth TenEyck and Neil Comstock Tice; her brother, Neil “Jack” Tice; her son, Stephen Hewitt, and her husband, Gordon (Buzz) Hewitt.
She is survived by her daughters, Christine (Richard) Geyer, of Farmington, N.Y., and Sandra (Lee) Hatfield, of Moravia, N.Y. She leaves five grandchildren, Richelle (Christian) Hargis, Stephen (Emily) Geyer, Jason (Meghan) Geyer, Jeffrey (Lacie) Hatfield, and Jessica Brown. Ginnie’s littlest legacies include her great-grandchildren, Julian and James Hargis, Alexandra and William Geyer, Bennett Geyer, Bailee Brown, and Jett Hatfield.
A private burial will be held at the convenience of the family.
Should friends and family desire, contributions in Ginnie’s memory may be sent to Four Town First Aid, P.O. Box 28, Moravia, NY 13118 or the Locke Volunteer Fire Department, P.O. Box 183, Locke, NY 13092.
Arrangements are with Shurtleff Funeral Home.
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