Father Knows Best (or does he?)

 If being a teenager, during a pandemic, living with their grandparents and uncle isn't enough... try adding an estranged father with early onset Alzheimer's.  

Bailee is bright, savvy and an adult way before she should have to be.  Abandoned by her mother at 12 and living a less than stellar, normal life for 4 years prior, she now has the ambiguous task of reconnecting with her Dad.  Her grandmother, whom she never knew, died of early onset Alzheimer's at 45.  Her Dad is now 48 and in the midst of the disease as well.  Their relationship has been rocky to say the least.  Bailee became acquainted with the legal system at an early age. Through police, law guardians, social services and courts, Bailee learned that children have a right to be safe and heard.  After formal court proceedings and being heard by the judge, Bailee was allowed at 11...to decide when or IF she chose to see her Dad.  Being the intelligent girl that she was, she chose one more supervised visit with her him.  She then decided that was enough.  He had not shown up for a few visits and the others were just accomplishing nothing.

A year later, she decided she needed closure and arranged a meeting with him.  It went well and she felt good about parting company. After all, they really had no relationship for most of the life she remembered.

Fast forward to 2021, yesterday in fact!  Bailee had heard that her Dad was not well and it might be a nice idea to visit with him before he lost all cognizance of past years.  She contacted her half sister and learned that her aunt and uncle were planning a little family gathering for Marc's birthday. Yesterday, she met Denelle, her sister, and spent 3 hours reacquainting with her Dad and sister.  She was a little leery about spending time in surroundings that had always made her fearful and uncomfortable. Having her sister there made the situation less tenuous and she actually relaxed and enjoyed their time together.

She believes her Dad knew her. Conversation was limited as he generally only answers yes or no questions. It appears his mental status is that of a pre-teen and regressing.  I watched them playing frisbee in the yard and saw the frivolity of a child....hands clapping, jumping up and down and twerking.  He was unable to fasten his belt and needed help from Denelle.  This man had never been on my favorite list but I was truly sad watching his childlike play.

Believing his next move will be to a nursing home, it put life in a bit of perspective.... Possibly a different one for me than for Bailee.  She was happy that she had the chance to spend time with him, less guilt-ridden than she might have been had he completely forgotten her and a sense of forgiving for his past misdeeds.  Forgiving does not mean forgetting!

If you think a child does not remember their young childhood, think again. Sadly, this is a generation of misguided, misunderstood and often misused children.  Thanks to Bailee's fortitude, resilience and intelligence, she will be fine....She's heading down a good road that is paved with support and love and each driving lesson is making her a better driver!  There will be roadblocks but she will navigate around or through them......I have no doubt...success is her destination!!♥

You are Amazing....Remember that!

 For my birthday this year, one of my amazing friends gave me a "kind jar!"  The jar is filled with little envelopes each having an uplifting message tucked inside.  Today's message was: You are Amazing...Remember that!  A perfect rainy day reminder when it would be so much easier to dwell on the unfulfilled, the uncontrollable and the unhappy.  I AM amazing!  I can still bend over and touch my toes ( I just have trouble getting back up,) I manage to keep a household of 4-5 running semi-smoothly, I can still remember a few people's names and events that have happened in the past, I still know how to spell, read and write and have the ability to help others with their lack of skills (or at least point them out,) I still have organizational skills that help to keep us all in line and I am learning that me time is precious, necessary and guiltfree.

I am looking forward to the next few days and the messages I will open.... I'm pretty sure one might say "You are Thin" or "You are Young."  If not, I'll use my educated interpretations to bring a smile to my wrinkled face....after all, I AM Amazing!!!

7th Decade

 Well, that was fast!  Seems like we had just built a new house and were moving on from my hometown (Locke.)  Those 13 years flew and here I am beginning my 7th decade on this planet at my favorite place.  It's actually quite surreal and hard to wrap my aging brain around. Everything outside of me knows I'm absolutely in my 70th year...while everything, except a part of my brain, is still trying to make me believe that I have a wonderful memory, can dance with the best of them, am able to actually run a bit and am able to get off the ground all by myself.  Those things are all behind me. Gravity is no longer my friend and wanting to do something versus actually accomplishing it is merely an unattainable goal. Although, even at 69, goals are a good thing!  My goals now are to remember which night my favorite shows are on, to spend quality time with my grandkids, to keep a sufficient supply of toilet paper and diet Pepsi and to pay my bills on time.  I have come to terms that I will forever need a calendar, a list of my passwords and usernames, my phone within reach, my dearest friends nearby and my eyes on the road at all times.  I can, however, still sing along to the radio without fear of other drivers' glances or hand gestures.... remember, I'm watching the road and no longer care how silly I might look!!

This new decade does have its perks. I no longer feel the need to hold in my stomach(s!) Hair dye isn't necessary as white and gray are signs of age and wisdom.  I can write in cursive and do math without a calculator. I am keenly aware that the 60s were my favorite years with no worries, politics NOT a thing in my purview, someone cooked and cleaned for me and the music STILL far surpassed anything I've heard since.  I make few apologies, I stand my ground (ok, maybe wobble a bit,) I can substantiate my opinions and when I am finished doing ANYTHING....that's the end of the story.

I will try to be an optimistic septuagenarian!  I'm breathing, ambulatory and cognizant of the world around me. I must continue to keep my household in order, raise Bailee to the very best of my ability, keep on top of Jeff's healthcare and live long enough to share in college "grand"uations! Lofty goals indeed but on my radar nonetheless! 

Right now, I just need to make the bathroom:-0