When?

They say that God never gives you more than you can handle!  When exactly is that and how will I know.?  I think I'm getting close :-(

Vows

Can't keep them......don't make them!  Although vows are just words they have a connotation connected with them that makes them almost holy.  Webster calls them a solemn promise by which a person is bound to an act, service or condition.  That's why marriage ceremonies include vows.  Marriages are like many of the things in life that we are unable to do unless we have complete knowledge and are actually licensed to do....like driving a car, owning a firearm, teaching our children or practicing medicine...just to name a few!  They take forethought, desire, skill, patience, and the determination to be in it for the long haul.

Better   -   Worse
Richer   -   Poorer
In Sickness   -   and in Health
To Love   - and Cherish

It ain't easy folks but nothing worthwhile ever is. Just sayin'

Forty Valentines!

There's the 7-year itch, 16 candles, 25th everyone's new baby.  He was showered with love from everybody we knew...from the fire department to the police department.  His arrival was met with smiles, gifts, calls and visits.  Grandma and Grandpa Hatfield even delayed their Florida vacation to welcome him home.

anniversary, terrible 2s but not much slaps you into reality like 40 Valentines.  Forty years ago today, we headed north to pick up our Valentine gift.  He was just about the most perfect thing on earth....or anywhere.  He was a smiler, a sleeper, an eater and a perfect baby.........well until I kept waking him with my finger under his nose to make sure he was still breathing.  He was

Barely a reprimand or a stern look in all 40 years.  They don't make kids like that...or at least I couldn't.  He loved everybody and everybody loved him right back.  Some things stuck even 40 years later.  He still calls his Uncle Ray, "Honey Ray" and his name in return was, "Hank!"  He still has a profound bond with his babysitter and (2nd Mama) Resa Dee.  We knew her then as "Ah-Rah!"   He loved his Dukes of Hazard ta-gar and would sing the chorus of Elvira like it was a concert on stage. He had no fear from birth and carried it right into Motocross.  He was our champion and we loved every minute (minus the breaks, ambulance rides and hospital stays.)  He raced hard, worked hard, liked hard and loved hard.......pretty good attributes, I'd say. 

When he moved to Charlotte our hearts ached but we knew everybody flies sometime.  He broke hearts and some broke his.  More than a decade plus, he came home. Second best day ever!

He's our poster child for the nature versus nurture theory with nurture winning by leaps and bounds.  Disappointment will never be associated with this guy. We couldn't be more proud of his work ethic, his commitment to his family, his sense of humor or his joy of fatherhood. 

We couldn't be more joyful in those who chose to allow him to be our son.  A gift of love far beyond what most could do or would do. We were lucky then and so much luckier now. Forty years have flown... with every single one happier because of that Valentine's Day in 1979.  We gotcha and what a gift you are ♥

I Wish They Were....

I seem to be thinking this a lot lately...."I wish they were_________!"  I could fill in the blank with lots of words.  I wish they were thinkers. I wish they were aware. I wish they were wealthy or I wish they were lucky. I wish they were healthy and I wish they were safe.  I guess the one thing I wish the most is I wish they were small again.  When they were small, their problems were my problems.  I either created them or I solved them.  If it was cold, I dressed them warmly. If it was hot, I sprayed the hose. If they had boo-boos, I bandaged them and if they were sick, I comforted.  If they were dressed to the nines, I had dressed them and if they looked rag-a-muffins, who cared.  If they needed milk money, I gave it f....or book fairs, or yearbooks or candy bars.  If homework was hard, I helped if it was easy, I praised. Now, 30 years later, I just get to worry. I can seldom make it better and advising is just seen as interfering.  My wisdom is seen as generational meddling. After all, what  could I reasonably know or understand.........it's the 21st century and I'm old.

There are some pretty cool perks to being old.  You might have to squint a bit to see them but they're absolutely visible. There is just plain stuff you know! Love is still love and like is still like...There's quite a big difference.  If you don't mean it, don't say it....about anything. Rich comes in many forms other than wealth.  It's possible to be rich at 40!  NOTHING is easy...trite but true.  If you expect easy, you're in for a long, miserable life. Be a bit of a planner.  You can never have enough insurance.  Once you have something, protect it and write a will.  If you worked for it, there's no sense giving it away to someone you haven't chosen.  Never, ever be afraid to seek counsel for anything you're unsure of......(investing, affairs of the heart, purchases, education....) Someone you know has been there and will share their words of wisdom. You need not take the advice but be smart enough to ask for it.

Wishing they were/are what you hoped they would be can be worrisome, often debilitating and usually fruitless. Remembering who you were at their age helps.  Realizing that it took very little time to go from then to now can be paralyzing. Hoping you're around to see your grandkids flourish, to have them ask for just a  touch of your knowledge or want to spend a little time with you is worth all the "I wish they weres" you're struggling with.

You did your best, maybe it was enough, maybe not. I wish there were answers!

Some days!

Some days are really tough. Today is one!  I feel like my hands are tied....unless they're in my wallet!  When you can see things happening and are at a loss to fix them or make those that can...understand.  It's affecting all of us but most importantly one of us.  So much for the Golden years.  This is so much tougher than the days when I could make the decisions.  They obviously weren't all top notch but they came with good intentions, researched objectives, and only everyone's best interests at heart. Some decisions worked, others flopped but I would and could admit when I erred.  Nobody admits anything anymore.  Let's just take a pill, get support and live life minute to minute.  No goals, no objectives no nothing and whoever gets lost in the shuffle....so be it... SO sad:-(

Who am I.....since when?

So many different schools of thought on what and who we will be......and when.......and how!  Are we predisposed to be who and what our family raises us to be?  Are we born to be intelligent thinkers or nurtured by our surroundings to listen, learn and develop into someone eager to garner knowledge and use it to the very best of our abilities?  Can an unchallenged brain be trained to be a thinker? Once again we float back to the age-old nature vs. nurture quandary.  We've been there plenty of times and I think I may have skewed my thinking to occasionally alleviate my responsibilities.

We've certainly heard stories about children who grew up in low-income homes, homes riddled with abuse and homes with single parents.  Many of these children thrived despite their adversities and became intelligent, productive adults who contributed in the most important fields of life.  Equally so, children who grew up with every advantage often staggered through life never really being successful for themselves or society.

So, once again, are we born (nature) to a predestined future or are we taught and loved (nature) to be the person we become.  As I've said before as a parent of two adopted children, When they blossom into successful adults, it's nurture! When they flop on the shore like a fish out of water and appear to be directionless, it's nature!  (Pretty much just a cop-out on my part.)

Now let's take me for instance.  I've always felt I achieved far less than I was predestined to... Prime example right there as we all know you don't end a sentence with a preposition!!!!  I was a successful student who went on to college..........for ONE semester. I had no worries about tuition, competence or goals.  My only issue was that I was tired of school and wanted to take a break.  I did!  I could have achieved anything I set my mind to and that was.... no more studying.  Hindsight is definitely 20/20.  In my mind, I was successful. I had a few diverse jobs where I learned much. I liked people but I took direction poorly. I often wonder if I could have been more, done more or seen more.  I never had to worry much about having more...even when having less was perfectly fine.  I enjoyed volunteering.

In my adult life, I was on several different boards and served them all well..(in my humble opinion.) Yesterday, as I was sorting through old pictures and memorabilia, I found a letter from my kindergarten teacher in 1958.  It answered many of the previous questions I had about who I was and if I'd always been that person.  I've added it below and will let you decide for yourselves! ;-)

Baby it's Cold Outside

It's cold!! Do I love it, not particularly but on the other hand, I don't hate it. I've lived here for my entire 67 years and have no desire to leave.  I have wintered in Florida....meh! I have vacationed in Hawaii, S, America, the Caribbean, Puerto Rico....meh!  They were all warm and wonderful but they weren't home.  Sunny days were great, rainy days sucked.  Sometimes it was too hot to be outside just as many days (weeks and months) are too cold to be outside here. I've always found it much easier to get warm than to get cool.  You can always put on more clothes but taking them off has its limits and its pathetic downside for those in eyesight!

Lee, on the other hand, takes blood thinners in his old age and dresses for a polar vortex in May. For him (and me,) a winter, Floridian vacation is a necessity.  His southern adventure is merely weeks away....and yes, I'm counting! Each day in February we are gaining about 1 minute of daylight. When we hit the spring equinox (March 21st,) we'll be gaining nearly 3 minutes per day. Every minute is a welcoming pill toward curing my SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder.)  Books help, TV helps and early to bed helps but nothing can trump daylight and sunshine!

Our winters as kids were cold and snowy.  Much colder and much snowier than this century. We had snow days when the roads were nearly impassable...few and far between!. I don't remember ever closing when it was cold...but I also don't remember parents micro-managing every single decision that happened in our schools.  I can't imagine having the responsibility to take care of 1300 kids from 4 -18.  Whatever those folks are paid, it might be too little....it might seem like a lot but if you put things into perspective, it's pennies per child. Let them do their jobs and do yours too!

It does come down to doing what's best, meshed with doing what you can afford, intertwined with doing what makes you happy.  Baby it's cold outside but it's HOME!