A Paraprosdokian... a what?

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists......and sometimes ...me!


Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. (one of my favorites)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.  (I have to remember this one)

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (sad)

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
 To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. (heads up Joe Biden)

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. (another favorite)
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. :-)You're never too old to learn something stupid.(happens to me everyday)

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. (for me that's 3 birdfeeders and Bailee's slide)
 Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

 

 

Creative packing

Today's a busy day.  Cleaning, laundry, loading,  golf, and shuttle watching.....Closing up the concrete condo is relatively easy... A little Clorox clean up and some vacuuming. If we were here longer, we'd try and convert our lawn from a pseudo beach to a lush, green  landscape.  As it lays now, we track enough sand inside to fill Bailee's sandbox.  On the other hand, we've yet had the need to shovel so I'm sure our northern pals really don't want to hear it. I am struggling with my recent promises to bring home some warmth and sunshine. I put some in a baggie yesterday and somehow it leaked out. Jeff, Lee and Squeege (Brian) are golfing this noon and then we'll wander to the south pasture to hopefully catch a glimpse of the last Endeavor mission to the space station.  Nighttime usually offers a more dramatic, easily viewed sighting but with clear skies predicted, we should see the trail and the split. An ironic end to both this mission and our annual mission to alleviate the winter blahs. 

I will miss the sunshine, the birds singing, the amazing sunsets, looking out my patio door and seeing the orange grove and my morning coffee on the patio.....BUT I'll be on my way back to EIEIO, the breakfast club, Jess anad Bailee, and my very favorite place on earth.....HOME!

btw, those are LEMONS....and they're awesome.......

I'm a Believer

Well if the Monkees sing it..... (had to be there), it must be so.    For years, I had struggled with the entire preface of organized religion.  As a child, church, Sunday school and youth fellowship were a given. I was raised in a small town where church was also our social outlet....at least before my teen years.  We had church suppers, holiday events, Tom Thumb weddings, choir practice once a week and of course Sunday services.  Then my teens arrived and they actually tore down our church and consolidated with the Moravia Congregational Church to form the Moravia-Locke Methodist church. I'm not sure why, but we didn't make the migration after that. In 1969, my brother died at age 25....My tune changed, as did my Dad's...I no longer was a believer.  We had a local town drunk named Hank.  He staggered about town daily (and nightly) but my brother was dead!  If anyone actually existed "up there", that certainly would not have been a decision he would make.  As the pain lessened, the doubts didn't!  My Dad was the consummate hypocrite and would openly express his disbelief while contributing monetarily to our transplanted church and it's newly combined congregation.  As the years passed and I matured (ok well maybe I just grew), I  saw for myself that the power of prayer can be a very good thing.  It wasn't until one of Jeff's classmates developed brain cancer that I began to really pray.......and pray that prayers worked.....  They did.... from that day, or night on, every night ends with my prayers...I know that not all will be answered but I believe that all will be heard.  Today I received an email with my favorite "believer's" message ever...... I'll share:

I would rather live



my life as if there is a God,

And die to find out


there isn't, than live my life


As if there isn't,


and die to find out there is.

Sermon over.....time for coffee!

Friendship

Friendship...some friendships last forever... some last a short time and some never get off the ground.  Most everyone has school friendships from high school and/or college.  Few are fortunate enough to keep those relationships in tact.  We marry, move, lose touch and change interests. Friendships are much like marriages.  Most of them need a little work, a little TLC, a little communication and a lot of want.   I hope I can say that I have many friends but I am blessed to say I have a "few great friends."  Great ones are few and far between.....no matter how much you'd like to think otherwise.  Now, with the wonders of technology, old friends can become new again.  I've many times professed my pleasure w/ Facebook and the ability it has given us to reconnect w/ friends and family.  But, as is professed by Newton, for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. Due , in small quantities to the airing of TMI  and every dramatic thought, and also a dwindling of much in common combined with a dose of changing values, not all "great friendships" stand the strain of time.  I can probably count on one hand the true, lasting friendships I have.  The ones where you can sit down with someone you haven't seen in awhile and pick up right where you left off.  My very best pals always make me smile and laugh...out loud. They are intelligent, they know when to let loose and when to shut up. They know what you want to hear and what you  need to hear. They say that friends are the family you choose....truer words were seldom said.  I have a great family  (well most of them) and no matter what differing views we may have, we're always there for each other (at least my  Hatfield family). But my friends....ahhhh.. they make my world go round....

Heroes

Heroes come in all sizes, shapes and colors.  They can be real, imaginative, ancestral or current. Websters defines a hero as: a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal.  I like the "in the opinion of others" part.  I try very hard to find the good in everyone (my husband will try to convince you otherwise).  In some, I have to looker harder than others. I think there's a little bit of hero in all of us. Anyone who has overcome adversity, "in my opinion" is a hero.  In today's dwindling economy, adversity is everywhere. Those with catastrophic illnesses are top on my list of heroes. I'll share a few of my heroes with you!

My Dad- number one on my hero list as all Dad's SHOULD be. He taught me to love to read, to write and to be as philanthropic as I was able. He taught me that what you believe in is your choice as long as you have damn good reasons attached. He taught me unconditional parental love even though he was in his 80's when I first remember him actually saying the words. He also taught me something very odd..love shouldn't be taken for granted.. it's earned. (meaning you don't love someone just because you're expected to)... and he taught me that right or wrong, you're judged by the company you keep!

Bryona Wiler(sp)... Bryona is a local girl and the relative of dear friends.  She is suffering from a debilitating lung disease which compromises her breathing...She spends much of her time hospitalized and always has that huge, beautiful smile.  The outcome of this disease will only be positive when she receives a lung transplant...... and I complain when I have a cold!

My daughter Jess.....Growing up Jess and I battled often. She struggled in school where I was a good student.  I would generally find her slacking and grades plummeting until I realized she was actually stifled and doing the very best she could.  As time went on, she got the help she needed and graduated.  She seemed to be searching for her niche whether it be cooking or computers.  Then her daughter came along.
Voila.... motherhood,,,,, she'd found her niche.... She is, by far, one of the best Moms I know...and I know a lot.  From day one, Bailee has received the best care, the best discipline, the most nurturing and compassion and 4 years full of love and fun.  I often attribute these skills to the fact that Bailee is Jess's first blood relative in her life......Adoption is amazing but there is always that element of wonder...especially for girls.....

My husband.... how freaking corny is that...  If you lived w/ me, you'd know he was a hero! Enough said!

My list could go on and on but I won't bore you with my inadequacies that make nearly everyone I know a hero in one way or another.  I try really hard each day to see that hero in everybody... Some make me try a little harder than others........:-)

Old Dog... New Thinking ???

I like to think of myself as an intelligent woman who's open to change.....I'd like to.....but I often find, I can't!  I'm hugely open to change in technology... I love my computer, TV is as essential to me as breathing, I'm considering an iPhone, I love Skype and I'm not above asking the strange speaking woman who lives in my GPS how the hell to get someplace.  I accept the changes in fashion (even if my body is rebelling).  I accept them but pretty much remain a jeans and tee-shirt kind of Granny...I'll leave the short shorts, tight jeans and slinky boots to the little hotties with the emaciated torsos. Sadly, some with my body type prefer the new fashion but they either have no mirrors in their homes or just don't give a hoot.(which, btw, is OK too).  This is where I begin to digress back into my own, old style, world.  Going green is a wonderful preface.....  renewable energy, renewable building materials, renewable food sources.....I understand and accept these to the best of my ability.. which is limited. I know eating better will possibly keep this old body around a bit longer but as taste goes, it's disgusting.  I'm not a fan of soy, tofu, or anything else that contains limited amounts of salt and sugar.
Now to what really facilitated this morning's thoughts.  One of my very favorite TV shows is Brothers and Sisters which airs on Sunday nights.  It's funny, it's real and it's blatantly current. There are 2 gay relationships front and center on the show. One that's been developing as of late portrays a 60 something gent who's is a pseudo patriarch of the Walker family.  He's learned he's HIV positive and has just recently reconnected with the man who infected him ( and didn't feel the need to ever tell him).  Here's where it gets kind of creepy for me... His old love is flipping DR KILDARE!! What the hell....he was MY old love. I had heard that Richanrd Chamberlain had come out of the closet many years ago but I had never seen him in a role where he was openly expressing his lifestyle. A long, lingering mouth to mouth kiss on Sunday's show raised the hair on the back of my neck.... and everywhere else that a near 60 year old woman has hair...which is everywhere. PLEASE don't get me wrong... I have many gay friends whom I love, respect and appreciate but this one display of affection by my childhood TV crush was a change I was neither ready for nor accepted well.  As I alluded to, it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I've learned to sit, stay and fetch but rolling over and accepting some changes may take a little more adjusting....I'm nearly ready for graduation though!

I LOVE today!!

I love holidays..especially this one.  32 years ago this morning, we brought Jeffrey home.  It's pretty corny but my heart was full that morning.  When we arrived at our destination, there he sat all nestled in a little red heart that was embroidered with "Be Mine".  Done!  We were his and vice versa from that second on. Now, 32 years later... little has changed....OK well maybe a lot has changed. A few tatoos, a couple piercings, several mended bones and lacerations but the joy, pride and love are still there..., even greater if that's possibe!  It hasn't all been an easy ride for Jeff but he's weathered even the toughest storms and is stronger and wiser and even more handsome each day.(.Back off..I can brag all I want...I'm his Mother!!!)

Careful what you wish for.........

Have you ever said," I wish things would just slow down or there were more hours in the day so I could spend more time w/ my spouse/partner?"  Be very careful what you wish for....I'm used to waking up and Lee has already shit, shaved,showered, shampooed and shuffled off to Locke for the day. Here, in our cozy, little concrete condo..I wake (usually thanks to a ringing cell phone with the caller accustomed to chatting w/ Lee anywhere from 5-6 a.m.) and there's a 6 ft. hunk of burning love lying next to me...yikes.  I'm not sure whether I should quietly get up in hopes of not disturbing him or wake him and begin our day "together".  At home, we each have our own dressing room....here.. we share...Sharing is way too much "together!" So this morning, I woke him and waited patiently while he heated a cinnamon roll, made coffee, flushed the john, ran the water, talked on the phone and dressed for the day.  We watched a segment on GMA together... (a semi-local gal, Kathy O'Connell's daughter, Becky Worley, is GMA"s tech reporter) and then I spent the following 5 minutes telling him what she'd said.  Usually, I cook breakfast but we'd already spent more time together than we do in a normal day so I suggested that he venture to Mickey D's for sausage biscuits knowing full well that he'd have to pass by Lowes and would turn in thinking there was something we just couldn't live without.  Today we couldn't live without birdseed and a welcome mat.  Thank God we have needy neighbors and he then spent some time getting their heat going.  He did mention he had a lot to do today...gluing down the wrinkled, heat scorched dashboard in the caddy, washing the car, pulling some weeds and raking under the fruit trees.  This will keep him outdoors for a couple of hours.  Then we'll address lunch and supper and when and what we should do for each of these monumental events.  Sometimes we "skip" lunch and head for local eateries to partake of the early bird specials. These specials, btw, are generally pretty good and most helpful in keeping some semblance of liquidity in our vacation fund.  Apres dinner....we're back to the concrete condo and settled in for some Cash Cab, Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy.  Jeopardy generally does the rick and sends Leroy packing off to bed, he can't hear the answers, doesn't know the questions and , on cue, remarks nightly about the stupid ass format of the game..period.
Then and only then can I sit back, relax and spend quality time..................with myself.  So the next time you're dreaming of the day(s) when you can spend more time w/ your significant other.... be very careful what you wish for...it just might happen!

It's raining

It's raining, it's pouring , this state is really boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Nothing better than a sunny day in Florida...and nothing worse than a rainy one.  Good thing I have a few shows DVR'd already and can pass the time.  Forecasting sunshine for the week-end and next week  w/warmer temps....high 60's and low 70's...perfect for me.  Jon and Lisa fly in LATE tomorrow night, Joy next Wed. and Jeff on Friday. Time will fly and I'll be back to EIEIO before I know it.
Bailee and I have been Skyping each night so that helps.... we say prayers together and she fills me in on her day.  Technology makes this traveling thing a bit easier....
Time for Price is Right... How old am I?

Back to Basics

I will admit, I've missed the sunshine!  I thoroughly enjoyed my patio time yesterday relaxing with a book.  There is NO BETTER WAY to "do nothing" then to lose yourself in prose.  Thankfully, my favorite authors have new books out and I can now have any book I choose at my fingertips... (Thanks to my Kindle).  even the classics are free on Kindle and download instantly. Nicholas Sparks and James Patterson are on tap for the rest of the week.  Sounds like some rain on Thursday and Friday:-(..There's not much more depressing than a rainy day in Florida in the concrete condo.  We've already slipped into Senior living. We had a nice breakfast yesterday, skipped lunch and headed to our favorite restaurant for a 4 p.m. dinner.  If you want to make the first seating, you get there early. I had my favorite lamb chops, huge baked potato, hot rolls w/ cinnamon butter and a great big bowl (family style) of tossed salad.  We were then off to Walmart, (the second phase of Senior living) to get our groceries...We decided on just breakfast supplies and we'd wing it for lunch/dinner.... Hate to fill the fridge for just 20 days....(and eating out is much more fun)  We do, however; have an ample supply of beer, soda, munchies and ice...Life is basically pretty simple and here...........we're back to basics!

we're here!

Uneventful trip... Good Super Bowl Week-end w/ Jeff and Heather. Had fun checking out Heather's new (to her) house.  They'll have a great big yard and the neighbors are friendly and less colorful.  They have some work to do to get it just right but Jeff's house is just going on the market this morning (for the 3rd time) so they'll have plenty of time to renovate and decorate. She enjoys decorating as much as I do..It'll be great!! We travelled in the rain the most part of yesterday...Not a very welcoming start to our Florida respite but this morning is sunny, breezy and mid 60's.  Lee is off to Lowes already for clothespins and some paint for the bathroom.  More family begins arriving on the 12th...Jon and Lisa, then Joy, then Jeff...Kim and Vic may even venture down if she's feeling up to it.  I'm hoping the weather holds for some patio time to read my 3 books and then 3 more I've downloaded on my Kindle.  TV just quit, so already troubleshooting w/ the damn cable company... I love my own cable company.SCCC.......Oh well...Stay warm all of you in the northern states....This isn't all that great so don't be envious!

On the Road Again

We're off... OK you knew that.. but we're heading south too :-)

Giving back to Nature

Almost ready to venture toward the sunshine. We dodged a bullet for the latest "Storm of the decade".  We got a few inches. Schools were closed and we had wet roads and 30+ degree temps.  Yesterday, the morning was a whiteout and cars were of the roads everywhere and there was school. ( a pretty tough call for school officials, especially in upstate NY).  A friend from CA. calls this "Gore-bull" Warming...love it!  Anyway, we're turning EIEIO back over to it's rightful inhabitants for a few weeks.  We're filling the feeders and hoping they'll all enjoy themselves while the folks are on vacation. Today being Groundhog Day, Lee's hoping that Phil predicted correctly and winter's on the downside.  He's also hoping that all of Phil's local relatives are busy doing whatever it is that groundhogs(or woodchucks as we know them) do underground all winter..and I don't think he's hoping they're asleep.  The more little critters that emerge from their tunnel towns, the happier my gun-toting hubby will be this spring.  It's a bit creepy how elated he is when he's just killed something.

I'll be checking in soon from a warmer climate..

Creepy Crustaceans

Last night was a 2/1 night with Miss B.  Jess has class on Monday nights so we get her all to ourselves.  When Papa got home, we first played "Flashlight Hunters."  Our instructions were: turn off all the lights and follow closely (not close, closely) behind me.  Bend way down so nobody sees us and be very twiet (quiet)."  OK, we did it... If that isn't unconditional love, nothing is!!  After our hunting "adventure" (her words) we began a new adventure.  Papa brought in our supper!  Two live lobsters who made the trip from Boston especially to entertain and then sustain....Bailee was not so sure she really liked them.  "Will they eat me?"  When she was sufficiently convinced that she was indeed bigger then they were (which was a strange argument as cows are larger than she and she likes steak) and was safe, she soon began to "pet" and "tickle" them.  One liked it so much he began to blow bubbles.  Now our new dilemma was....."But I love them and I don't want YOU to eat THEM!" Somehow we finagled our way through that and she did, indeed help Papa take them to the garage for a "Swim."  She's usually very good about trying at least a bite of everything but we didn't push the lobster thing... After all, what if she liked them and we had to share...we just couldn't chance it!!